Category Archives: Stream of Thought

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I’m pretty sure I missed cool Star Trek stuff recently 😭 there are hints on my dash but I don’t know what it’s about really. I am consumed with moving hell.

4 more sleeps until I move.

The chaos will be over soon. I’ll just keep repeating that to myself until it’s true.

purlturtle said:  A trailer for S3 of Picard dropped. And September 8 is the “birthday” of Star Trek, since that is (I think) when TOS first aired, so there was a big “Star Trek Day” bash with red carpet interviews and actor reveals and whatnot.

Also, re: moving – you got this! And, German tradition holds that the first thing you dream of in your new home will come true. You can decide if you wanna adopt this tradition for yourself or not – it’s even okay to wait if your first dream was a good one before deciding 😅 

galactic-pirates said:  @purlturtle thanks so much for reading me in 🥰 I think I liked the trailer but haven’t had chance to watch it yet. I feel like I have no brain space to process anything atm. My dreams are usually so weird I don’t think I can adopt that particular tradition. But it’s cool to learn about it! 

purlturtle said:  Oh I got you! Moving is so stressful. Last time we did, we had a company do most of the work, and their truck barely fit (like, by inches) in the walkway that led to our door, but the driver chanced it anyway so the workers wouldn’t have to carry stuff so far. But it all went well and so quick and smoothly! Wishing that for you as well! 

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So I just watched the 4th episode (I know I’m slow) and it’s funny because I watched some of Prodigy recently and apparently ships being able to withstand black holes is a thing.

Not enough Number One, not enough Ortegas. I liked Uhura and Hemmer’s interaction, the way they held hands. Chapel continues to be a scene stealer and M’Benga likes to tug on my heart. The way he was giving his own plasma.

Pike’s faith was very Pike. I wish they had shown a close-up of the pins they all wore. I read somewhere that Spock and Pike’s were for Discovery but that would have been nice to have seen for myself. I wonder if his miracle move was indeed called the Pike Manoeuvre.

I still haven’t ‘bonded’ so to speak with La’an, so I do find myself wishing there had been more crew scenes. Like when that bridge officer? (I think he’s bridge, do we know his name?) he was helping some guy in a blue shirt, and then the blue shirt shoved him through the airlock before it closed and then got sucked into space. Like I had more of an emotional reaction to that than anything from La’an tbh. So more of that kind of thing would have given the episode more weight IMO. Like what happened to the people they saved? They were there for the first 5 minutes and then vanished. How many died in the attack? How many were still on the ship when it blew? Did any survive?

I know they say “give it a face” as if we can see it in one person, and then know it’s in everyone, that is more effective than trying to show general devastation/pain etc. But I don’t think La’an is a very good ‘face’ so to speak for that.

Anyway currently resisting looking the gorn up on the Trek wiki as curious.

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I am reasonably certain that at some point on here I said I was trying to move into a place of my own. The process has been ongoing for almost a year now and am certain to have moaned at some point. It has been a rollercoaster, a frustrating nightmare, endless limbo and just generally awful.

Anyway! I won’t rehash the entire journey, I just felt I should say that I got the keys to my house 10 days ago!!!! So exciting, and a huge leap forward, buuuuut

Have I moved in? No. Do I want to? Very much. Why have I not moved in? *cries in renovation*

Before we sold our house in 2014 I painted all but one room. The house needed to be freshened up to market it. That was a 2 bedroom cottage, so not a huge house, but before I hit I think the middle of the process I’d had enough. It’s not the physical exhaustion or the aches and pains, it’s the mental overwhelm. I just wanted to run away and not have to deal with it. Room after room was just too much in one go. When we moved into the current family home some decorating was required. I was prepared to dig deep but mum opted to hire a company so it was done super fast.

I was grateful and quite relieved to not have to do anymore decorating but apparently time dulls memories. I have a 2 bedroom house and I am painting every room – one after the other. I want it to be done and over but I’m not even halfway.

This is more extensive than just decorating as I’m having to coordinate around tradespeople too. We’ve had the electrician in, and the plumber, and new flooring. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. I’ve made some progress everywhere (as I had to do certain tasks to prepare key areas for the aforementioned professionals) but nowhere is 100% done. It’s like everywhere I look it’s just mess and chaos. Fortunately unlike last time (when I decorated the cottage) I’m not having to live there. That does help a bit, but I’m currently putting off going to bed despite being utterly exhausted, as I’m just going to have to get up and do it all again tomorrow, and as much as I want to move ASAP, I am finding it increasingly hard to face all the work I have to do in order to get there.

I’m not sleeping anyway. I’m scared. The world situation is terrifying. Now is probably the worst time to strike out on my own and be having to pay all the bills solo. I’d done a budget but then the electrician discovered a problem and my expected bill became 10x bigger. Today I found out my hot water heater isn’t working. It’s just one thing after another.

Anyway that’s the state of play. I’m hoping everything will be done and I can move first week of September. Then I’m hoping my life will start. Probably a foolish dream given the aforementioned terrifying world situation.

Does anyone else just live with the constant feeling of doom? Like what is even the point of all this you know? /sighs

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Just watched 1.03 and I did so with pizza for the perfect Friday night experience 😂 which also saved you all from my live blogging.

But thoughts!

What M’Benga said about new bigotries replacing old ones and then Number Ones log about “why isn’t it enough to just be me? Why do I have to be the hero?” And not to get political or anything but it slapped me in the face with a memory of reading a news article about a refugee who climbed up the outside of an apartment complex up like 5 floors or something to rescue a child in danger. They were fast tracked for asylum but such heroism while obviously incredible doesn’t mean they weren’t worthy before. They were already enough. Idk it just super hit home and I think that’s actually the core of what Star Trek is. Yeah it’s set in the future but it is still reflecting back and showing us stuff about our society and lessons we should learn.

Una is incredible but she is enough just being her, not for the 200% massive effort and I love Pike I do, but I have a mighty need for him to kick himself about his well-intentioned compliments and tell Una that. Say that she’s good not for what she does but just for who she is and it’s ok.

Sorry I am just a bit stuck on this. It hits home in a personal way.

There wasn’t enough Ortegas. Chapel continues to delight no matter the limited screentime. I just really dig her vibe.

Those landing party jackets were awesome I want one.

A pattern buffer as stasis is really interesting. Has that ever come up before?

I really liked how Una gave M’Benga a pass and helped him so the accident wouldn’t happen again, but he also got to continue protecting his kid. I think we were supposed to go “well Pike just did for Una so she was paying it on” but tbh I more got the vibe that the Enterprise crew is a family and they keep each other’s secrets and take care of one another. Like Una would have done that whatever for M’Benga because that’s what they do. I love that. I’m a sucker for found family.

@Monday Moonrise

Pattern buffer as stasis thing was in TNG! That’s how Scotty kept himself alive for 80 years.

ooooh interesting!

reminds me of the Stargate episode where Teal’c got trapped in the buffer when the connection was unstable due to an explosion on the other end. The signal was ‘fading’ and McKay figured 48 hours and he was gone. Carter disagreed (and was obviously right) and they managed to get him back.

I suppose it’s a bit like computer information. If you’ve ever tried to read an old CD sometimes it doesn’t read properly due to degradation.

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Excuse me while I ramble for a second.

I’m having a “your fandom is not my fandom” moment. And that is ok.

I first started posting fanfic over 20 years ago. I’ve done the fandom thing on a variety of platforms, and in different ways, and there are still many parts of fandom I’ve not done. For instance I’ve never been to a convention, or met up with other fans in real life.

When somebody says they are part of fandom I think that can mean different things, and it can also mean different things over time. To varying extents I have always thought fandom = community. Like I can do fan activities but if I’m not engaging with the community somehow, then that’s just me being a fan and not fandom. But YMMV and it’s all good. Circle back to what I started with. Everyone is different and that is ok.

I think what I’m rambling towards is that people want different things from their fandom. Like I’m a creator, a storyteller. So for me fandom is all about art, or about deep analysis and thought-provoking debate. For others I think perhaps the shared interest is what brings them together, and then it’s just more about chatting and other social things. There gets to be in-jokes and other community type activities. I’m not talking about fandom events, it’s something community-based. I think I’m struggling to define it because I don’t understand it. In fact it’s something of that nature which inspired me to ramble like this.

I’m always torn. When I join a fandom I want to feel like I’m part of it and yet I forever feel like an outsider. I’m awkward and I struggle with anything social, which is why I like fandom because of the shared interest – the creating, and analysis – but then I feel like my interest in that remains strong but the rest of the community sort of drift off that into the social part. I don’t engage well socially so I only have myself to blame for feeling like if I vanished nobody would notice. I get grumpy when I see these big community in-jokes as they seem ridiculous and I wish we could focus back on the thing that brought us together in the first place – the thing that we’re fans of – but then that’s quite unfair of me.

As I said above “your fandom is not my fandom” and I would be a total jerk if I complained. Sure I can feel disgruntled quietly to myself (and I’m rambling here) and I don’t know I think I’m losing my point. I’m just saying that fandom means different things to different people and I still haven’t found my place. I quite often say I can wear anyone out with my enthusiasm, and I think perhaps that’s true. I’m laser focused on the source material, and then creating from it. I want people to talk with about it, but they need breaks, and I don’t know how to cope without a focus for the interaction.

So yeah, it’s quite a lonely place to be 🙁

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I’m watching episode 2 and Uhura’s backstory took me by surprise. That dinner was more heartbreaking and less funny than I had expected.

It didn’t feel like Pike has confided in all that many people re: his vision so I love the openness with Number One. Their dynamic is great. Real Brotp material I think.

I’m feeling really bad second hand awkwardness for Uhura on the comet. La’an is just so unsympathetic. She doesn’t give an inch. I liked her ok in episode 1. She was business like but she feels callous, impatient and pretty uncaring in episode 2 atm. And Spock means well but isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy. I mean he tries and that’s sweet in a way and he gets better as the episode goes on.

I like the scenes on the ship much better. Feels cooperative and friendly with Pike, Number One and Ortegas.

The fake staggering when the ship takes a hit is the most over dramatic that I have seen I think on Trek 😂 way to capture the ToS vibe there.

I love that Ortegas has patented her own move. Flying into an asteroid storm is so Han Solo 😉 

I’m somewhat confused. I thought that the asteroid manoeuvre was to persuade them to move the comet but I guess the tractor beam was for the Enterprise? I guess that was a distraction so Spock could do whatever he did (and I do not understand what he did, what did he do?)

You know Number One isn’t wrong. Pike knows when the incident happens, he knows who it affects and he knows what kind of accident it is. So why can’t he fix whatever the error is and save those people without doing the hero thing? Foreknowledge means he can solve the problem differently. Fight smarter not harder.

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Ok nobody reblog Bering and Wells now. I see that and my head really will explode.

Why is it not enough to have the ideas? Why can’t I just magic them into existence? This needing to sit and write business just takes too long. I want to do all the things and I am not a patient person.

In other words it’s nearly 8pm and clearly we have reached the existential crisis part of the day already. I was in an increasingly good mood today and now… it’s like a slow slide into craaaazy.

Shit.

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The subject of attics just came up on a discord I’m in. I’m quite proud of my family attic as I’m the only one that goes up there. It is perfectly tidy and organised. I don’t have to go into the attic to be able to tell anyone who wanted to know what’s up there and where they could find it.

Which made me think that actually I could probably do that with any space/stuff I call my own.

Which made me remember that within 24 hours of being moved into this house I had unpacked all of my stuff, to the extent that my DVDs were alphabetised just how I like them. Everything has a place where it lives and unless something is ‘in progress’ then everything is back where it lives by the end of the day.

Which made me realise that this is probably yet another example of me being weird.

I’d not really thought about it that deeply before beyond the acceptance that mum is very different. She still has a box or two she hasn’t unpacked and we’ve lived here 7 years. Her office looks like it’s been ransacked and she loses stuff all the time. We had to spend 20 mins the other week searching for her keys. She puts things down but never in the same place. I’m a creature of absolute habit and order and she is the opposite.

It drives me mad but I drew a mental line that her space is hers, so out of respect I don’t give into impulse to tidy it up and organise it. I don’t know how she can work like that but ok. Anyway my point is on a scale of normal to weird, then her disorder is probably far more normal than my exacting organisation. To be fair I should probably have realised this when I did the database of Lego parts to inventory the loose collection. I can find any part, you could name anything in the database and I know where it is. I didn’t think that was a big deal but anytime I tell people they are all ???

Anyway I don’t know. Excuse the rambling I’m just like “huh I’m weird in THIS way too ok then” as I’m weird in lots of ways but this too? I guess :/

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Ok I just saw a gif and

Kirk made a cameo in the episode???

Now obviously I have no context but I’m a bit like… I don’t know. I mean obviously SNW is leaning heavily on ToS but I want it to be its own thing and I don’t want it to artificially limit itself either. Like sure if it’s only going to be say idk a 3 season show then so be it, but if it has more life then I would want more. Does that make sense?

I think there’s 4 or 5 episodes up on Paramount+ now? I’ve only seen the first one still as I haven’t had the spoons. This show is something that I looked forward to/hoped for since the backdoor pilot in Discovery season 2, so I don’t want to watch it if I’m not mentally in a place to really enjoy it. So like I’m behind as UK and doubly behind as I’m not even UK caught up 😂 

But I feel like I love the characters already and so yeah I’m probably being defensive for no reason. I just don’t want them to go all “Kiiiirk!!” and forget about the SNW crew.

Was this the finale? I’m not sure how many episodes in the season

Perhaps by bringing Kirk in they were hoping for a Luke Skywalker Mandalorian-esque reaction 😛

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Tumblr has failed me. I can’t believe there isn’t a parallel gifset of Carol and Maria as Captain Marvel (that I can find). I searched the tag but there’s just a lot of stuff about Shazam? Like why? That’s not even Marvel I don’t think?

I know the answer is to do it myself but I am having spoon issues atm. June was an epic fail. It’s like I have passed my threshold of overwhelm. Or in other words re: fork theory I am stabbed with too many mini-tridents right now.

Endless waiting sucks 🙁

little-inkstone said:  Aww, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling! *hugs* Fun fact, the Captain Marvel tag is filled with Shazam because his original name was Captain Marvel, Fawcett comics made the character but DC sued because he was “too much” like Superman. Fawcett lost and stopped printing him, and then when they went bankrupt DC bought most of their characters, including Captain Marvel, but in that time period Timely Comics had become Marvel Comics and made their own Captain Marvel.

galactic-pirates said:  @little-inkstone that IS a fun fact! I can’t really be annoyed then because he had the name first 😂 anyway long time no speak. We should catch up soon 😘