I’m not so good at making gifs. I’d actually not done it before but google saved the day. Anyway, I was thinking this over last night. Tomorrow, we’re going to need to express how we feel and I just thought this line was perfect. I’m just putting it up ready for Sunday’s episode. Well Wednesday for me because I live in the UK and have to wait for netflix.

If the episode goes badly then play the line straight, how it’s intended because we are in trouble.

If the episode goes well, then there’s no need for sarcasm. We thought we were in trouble and it turns out we’re not. So reverse that sucker.

Besides nothing can be truly terrible with a side order of Nicholas Rush to the rescue. I could totally quote and then gif/pic this guy all day.

I am now ready for ‘Last Rites’ and the two-hour finale.

#for a moment there i thought we were in trouble

Last one I promise …

Who exactly is appalling out of character?

Mostly to be honest it’s just Regina who’s actions I can’t explain away as fitting with previous canon. Believe me I contort my mind, to head canon most things so they make sense. So maybe my third fix-it theory (and last because I’ll stop spamming) is that Regina has been replaced with an impostor.

The real Regina is locked up somewhere and man when she busts out she’s going to be mad …

Regina’s the one that’s convincing other people to do crazy things, and they are going along with it because they trust her. Well, the same is true with Emma to some extent, so maybe they are both under glamours and other people entirely.

That leaves the question of who has replaced Regina and why? Well maybe it’s something to do with the completely dropped plot-line of King Arthur and Camelot. It would be nice to have something resolved. Maybe not replaced, perhaps that used that magic dust on her.

Ok that’s three crazy, not at all plausible, fix-it theories.

And it was all a dream …

Fix-it theory number two involves the mysterious casting of two “mental health professionals” for the end of season five/start of season six.

What if none of season five actually happened? What if Henry didn’t manage to rescue everyone from Isaac’s fake world and instead has been in the asylum having delusions of “what happened next” this whole time? They could be delusions sparked by Isaac to keep Henry busy, so he doesn’t ruin everything like he ‘did’.

I know, I know, some things “can’t be undone” but man it would be nice just to hit the reset button. Have an explanation as to why nothing makes sense anymore. I mean not everything about season five was terrible, there have been some good lines and the actors are still awesome, it’s just most of the plot has issues.

Let’s blame the author …

It’s a “fix-it” theory. It uses part of canon that I hate – the author (because that takes away free will) but that is kinda the point.

In the underworld they have made no secret of the fact that Henry was the author. I mean they had him writing everyone’s stories on Main Street for crying out loud.

The author can make people do things. Hearts can control people. Henry is also the ‘truest believer’ and therefore his heart is more powerful than most. What if Hades, seeing as he has the most to gain, got control of Henry’s heart. He is making Henry use his author powers to structure everything to his liking. For instance the whole “let’s trust Zelena and give her the baby” which is just pure insanity.

That would be why all the characters are acting so “out of character” because they can’t control themselves – they are all being controlled by the author, essentially spelled to go along with the narrative. If it’s Hades doing the controlling then that doesn’t explain everything, I mean Emma has been not exactly herself since long before the underworld but it would explain some of the more questionable recent choices. If it’s someone else, then the control could have started some time ago.

Yes that would be reveal akin to “and it was all a dream” but to be honest I think I would prefer that because at least there would then be some logic. The characters would still be themselves, because there would be a reason for all the craziness.

Season One AU fic idea/search

Are there any fanfics out there where Regina helps break the dark curse in season one?

There was the whole “victory was boring” thing and imagine 28 years in a cursed town, where next to nothing ever changed. Plus you know – Henry. It’s like one day he noticed that he was the only one aging and therefore there had to be something wrong. She had a choice then, like the road not taken. Regina could have explained things to him, instead she went with denial.

They can’t flat out tell Emma “you are the savior, now break the curse” because she’d think they were crazy. They can’t show her magic because “seeing isn’t believing, believing is seeing”, unless she believes in magic, then she won’t see a damn thing.

The curse trapped Regina as much as it trapped everyone else. She could leave on short trips e.g. to get Henry, but I doubt she could leave for good because she was tied to the curse – she wasn’t aging.

I can just imagine it. Regina and Rumple teaming up with schemes to get Emma to believe. The first thing Regina would have to do – obviously – is admit that she had Belle in the asylum and let her out because otherwise that would come back to haunt her later when the curse broke. She could give Belle new memories, like she gave the new cursed memories to David and Belle could come to town as the new librarian.

Oh the angst. Rumple wouldn’t know what to do with himself, his true love right there but with no memory of him or what happened between them (I have definitely read this more than once). It would be like slowburn Rumbelle with Rumple trying to apologize every way he could think of for throwing her out, in the hope that she wouldn’t hate him when the curse broke.

In my headcanon Regina kept Mary Margaret and David apart because she feared true loves kiss would wake them from the curse. It wouldn’t be able to be break the curse, just lift it from them. If she wanted the curse broken, there would be no reason to keep them apart, or frame Snow for murder etc. but man I can see Regina regretting that decision. I mean the Charming’s have no subtlety, a hot minute after getting their memories back they would be wanting to run to Emma who would obviously think they were crazy. I could see Regina having to lock them in the loft and try and talk sense into them.

Obviously in this AU Regina and Henry would be closer, because he would understand more. Emma would be another person in his life to love him but she would never be his mom exactly. Genetics don’t make parents. I’m not sure exactly how Emma would feel about that. On one hand she gave Henry up to give him his best chance, and him having a mom that loves him is all she wanted. Then again, Regina took her place in Henry’s life and even though it was Emma’s choice, that has to hurt. Then again she doesn’t have to be pleased or unhappy, she can be both, we are complex creatures who can feel more than one emotion at a time. Sort of mixed I guess.

How the curse broke in the end would be up for debate. I mean using Henry to break it would be wrong because he’s a child and kids should be protected. I guess it could be rationalized that there would be no danger because Regina could wake him with true loves kiss if Emma failed. However, it would still be a bad thing to do. I could see Rumple maybe going that far in desperation, Emma wouldn’t believe for anything less than a massive crisis. Personally I prefer a fluffier option not using Henry at all, and instead the Charming’s, reuniting Emma with her parents – true loves hug or something.

I might possibly have a ton of ideas about how this would change everything moving forward. I mean there are certain things that would still happen. Like I can’t see Cora and Hook not finding their way to Storybrooke eventually. Tamara is engaged to Neal and Peter Pan’s minion, so kidnapping Henry isn’t a stretch. That doesn’t have to involve Tiny and the magic beans, Pan could have sent his shadow over as that seems to hop realms no problem.

However, there would be no wraith and no side trip to the Enchanted Forest for Emma and Snow. There would be no Lacey and to be honest I never understood why Rumple didn’t make Belle her own memory talisman. The reunion with Neal would have gone much better with Belle’s support and mediation. I might have head canon that if Rumple and Regina were allowed to be their awesome selves, that they would have stormed Neverland and had Henry back in like an hour. Pan would have been dealt with properly which means no reversed curse.

Did they ever explain how Walsh got to New York? I always figured it was the slippers but then recently they said Dorothy had them, and Zelena only got them back when she returned to Oz this past season. Because if Zelena could use Walsh’s method for getting to Storybrooke then she could turn up early. Otherwise there would be relative peace for over a year before Dorothy would hit Oz and Zelena got the slippers. She could then come and attempt her time travel thing but without Rumple as a slave, I don’t know how far she’d get.

Rumple was fine with the darkness until his ‘death’ and time in the vault, then Zelena controlling him for a year and Neal’s death. So there would be no sorcerer’s hat, there would be no sucking the darkness out, no dark swan, no Camelot and definitely no underworld. There would be no Frozen without time travel (unless it got worked in some other way). No Lily, no author (I hate how that takes away free will), no Queen’s of Darkness, not how that was done on the show anyway.

With no reversed curse there would also be no Robin, which if we’re sticking with canon pairings could be sad. I have to confess to a really, really AU storyline involving Rumple and Belle having a son, the blue fairy being the sanctimonious bitch that she is and banishing the baby to the land without magic because the baby is the spawn of the dark one and therefore ‘evil’. I mean that is not out of character for Blue. Emma came through in the wardrobe not all that far from Storybrooke, so perhaps that’s where the realms sort of meet. Emma went back to find more info, I imagine the son could do the same and then naturally he meets Regina who occasionally takes sanity breaks outside of Storybrooke.

I don’t ship OutlawQueen, I always thought Regina needed somebody who could understand the darkness a little more, so that she didn’t have to be fake with them. So yeah I know, super AU, with Regina’s true love being an original character of Rumple and Belle’s son. Imagine though that adds an extra twist to Henry’s family tree (his adopted father is actually his uncle), then with all the history between Regina and Rumple, not to mention Regina’s actions against Belle, that’s going to cause friction. Think of the angst possibilities.

There are other possibilities too. I never liked that Neal and Emma just magically somehow met, it was a massive coincidence. What would have made more sense is if Neal either originally (or when he escaped from Neverland) came over in that same spot. Then when Emma is searching for answers, she finds a newspaper article about a confused 14 year old boy. She tracks him down and that’s how they meet.

Of course the problem with this is once the curse is broken, and then Cora, Pan and maybe Zelena have been dealt with, then there’s the “nothing is happening” problem. It would just be regular life, so time for the fic to end I guess.

It would be happy though. Charming and Snow would have their baby (not named Neal probably), Neal wouldn’t be dead, Rumbelle would probably have a baby, I’m thinking a baby girl. Without the ill-fated trip to the underworld, the contract wouldn’t be an issue; of course it could still rear it’s head but the whole underworld thing, why were people scared of being dragged there? It doesn’t seem so bad. Whether it’s SwanFire or CaptainSwan ultimately doesn’t matter, so long as neither Neal nor Hook get bashed so it can happen, and that it happens properly with Emma remaining herself and not just becoming a ‘love interest’.

I just think it would be really fascinating to read a story where Regina wanted to break her own curse. She said the only happy ending would be hers, what if she got it (with Henry) and then was trapped by her own past mistakes. The curse trapped her just as much as everyone else, more so because she remembered everything, everyone else had ‘ignorance is bliss’ going on.

Days like today …

,… are days I wish I still wrote fanfic. Perhaps more accurately, days like today remind me why I started writing fanfic in the first place.

I’m kinda wishing I hadn’t checked tumblr this morning. I could have done without those spoilers until next wednesday when I can see the new episode on netflix (I’m UK based). I could have had another few days of blissful ignorance.

I have to say my tendency with fanfic would be to undo some of what has already been done. However, to quote the man himself – “what you’ve done can not be undone” – and so maybe I can brainstorm how it could be fixed from now on.

Wow this is hard. I will have to think more on this. Do you think maybe this is why the writers have trouble? They write something and then realize they have written themselves into a corner, so they have to do crazy unrealistic character-wrecking stuff to get out of said corner?

So long as the show is on air, and the writers don’t go so far down the rabbit hole they can’t return, there is still hope – the possibility of that happy ending is a powerful thing.

“I learned a long time ago, that when you find something that is worth fighting for then you never give up.”

That applies to Rumbelle, OutlawQueen, the show in general. This is not the end – not yet anyway.

Full disclosure I don’t ship OutlawQueen but if the spoilers are in any way accurate then man I feel so sorry for those guys, because however you ship that is just wrong. It’s like character bashing in fanfic, it can be kinda funny sometimes – in fanfic! This is supposed to be canon and they are supposed to be better than that.

Oh man I need to go read Robin4′s ‘Remember’ or something for like the 10th time. Just pretend it’s canon.

these spoilers suck#writers fix it please

5×20 – Firebird (Review)

I didn’t think they could manage it but they did – the level of sheer stupidity cranked to eleven.

When Regina said “we can trust Zelena, give her the baby” I literally screamed at the TV. There is stretching suspension of disbelief and there is taking the piss. I can think of no conceivable in-universe explanation outside of mind control, or impersonation, or something similar. That just does not make sense.

I can’t believe it took them until episode 20 to remember Hook’s body isn’t in the Underworld. Remind me again why they thought their “plan” would ever work?

Then there’s Emma killing her sort of mentor and leaving her to bleed out in an alley – very heroic. Plus she was 26! That means she hadn’t exactly turned her life around from being in jail and having Henry at 18. I always assumed up till now that she had been straight since then. I wonder if she ever answered those charges in Phoenix …

Ugh plus again with Hook’s “sacrifice” against the Dark One’s. Sheesh erm nope, he brought them there! He kinda just took care of a problem of his own making.

Oh I could rant all day but I’m on my phone and I’m not typing out that much. I may blog properly on the PC later.

The one bright spot of the episode – as always – was Rumple. He showed some of that flair and cunning he is known for and got it done! Plus the shot of the episode (see picture) was Rumple walking through the Stargate. Oh I know it’s not really, I mean for a start it’s pink and it sort of twirled rather than rippled but as a huge Stargate fan generally (and a massive Nicholas Rush fan) it rather cheered me up.

The failed Rumbelle True Love’s kiss was rather sad but I’m going to keep everything crossed it will come right in the end. It’s not over yet.

It was nice to see a return of Stealthy, same actor and everything. I do love little touches like that. I don’t quite get why Rumple couldn’t just carry Belle out but I guess putting her in the box made her more portable. Plus it was a callback to how they didn’t quite manage to deal with Pan.

Rumple is too awesome to fail but the writers just keep making him, so the other characters don’t look bad next to him. He never does get his moment to shine. In my head canon Rumple and Regina would have gone to Neverland and got Henry back in like an hour, they know how to take care of things. Instead we had camping with the “Charming’s” and well the less said about Henry and his “sacrificing his heart to be a hero” the better.

I said I was going to stop ranting and oops erm pink Stargate + Rumple = best part of episode. That is all.

pink Stargate#rumple is awesome#there better be mind control or something#writers have lost it