Category Archives: Stream of Thought

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I think I might suspend fandom Fridays for a while on account of the fact I am very tired.

I’m trying to do a lot more on a regular basis and the tank is hitting empty a lot. I dig deep but there’s only so much determination before I run out.

I still have sets I want to make and I think doing them regularly is a good idea, as it actually makes me do them rather than time getting away from me. But yeah I’m tired and something has to give and unfortunately it’s this.

Fanfic will remain posted twice a week for the foreseeable future though. I have a lot left to post.

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Everyday it’s like I’m deeper into this ship. It all started when we didn’t get a dance at the gala. I had to write a mini fic, and then I had to attempt a drawing, and they’ve got me now.

Well yeah. I mean they got their hooks into me from episode 1 the moment Raffi started talking about Seven, but the preview of the gala (so like the episode before that) was the moment that tipped me from just “screaming at the TV” to “thinking about them everyday + needing to create stuff for them”.

I watch a lot of shows. But if I make stuff for it? waaaaay beyond like 😂

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Ok so I was just maybe screen recording some of episode 9 for… reasons and I got to the part where Picard asks after her and Seven goes “I am myself” and Raffi does this little head shake thing.

And just it’s so subtle and so perfect. Seven is hiding her feelings because she doesn’t want to be vulnerable to people, but she’s already talked to Raffi a bit – already! And they’ll probably talk more later.

Like I’m not explaining this well but with Raffi in Seven’s confidence, they are a team, and the others are on the outside a bit. Idk I just like the intimacy of the trust and the emotional sharing.

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I want to draw a Seven/Raffi comic scene

Are my skills up to it? No.

Do I have time? No.

Am I gonna do it anyway? Probably.

I will put some thought into composition and try and keep the number of panels to a minimum or I’ll never finish it.

Now I could try and do it another way. I could write the thing but for what it is, in my mind it needs the visual punch. I could try and do a gifset, though screen recording is not my strong suit, but then I will be limited to what scenes I can splice together. Drawing means I can produce exactly what I want… right up until the moment my skills go naaaah.

I will think on it!

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I just realised I’ve been going mad over Seven/Raffi but there’s little rambling on here. I’ve been rambling all over the discord instead. Anyway, I still haven’t watched last weeks episode (damn UK delay) but I saw a spoiler and I have THOUGHTS and feelings. It hurts and I’m actually going to make it a post this time.

Right so Seven said that she tried to join StarFleet when Voyager got back from the Delta Quadrant but they wouldn’t let her – instant agony! All I could think was of the first Voyager episodes when Seven was so desperate to rejoin the collective because she didn’t want to be alone – she wasn’t used to it, and she needed connection – and Janeway told her that the crew would be her new collective. They were individuals, but Seven would be one among many – she wouldn’t be alone. That was what Janeway offered her if Seven stayed.

I’m going fucking feral right now at the thought that Voyager got back and the crew went their separate ways. They had families and lives to return to – BUT SEVEN DIDN’T! Seven only had the crew of Voyager but it was alright because Voyager was a “StarFleet crew” and she could transfer her connection to the larger whole – AND THEN THEY TURNED HER DOWN!

Now I could write a freaking essay about how bloody stupid that was. Especially given what StarFleet eventually did with the xB’s and integrating borg tech into their own ships. Surely a ex-borg that had been free the longest, and was already loyal to StarFleet would have been useful? But I digress.

Adrift, alone, with nothing but her skills and her need to affirm her humanity Seven joins the Rangers. All she has is the work. She’s good at it but it has to be lonely. As a Ranger she works alone. There are other Rangers but it’s a big galaxy – a bit of the old “one riot, one Ranger” going on. She meets and helps lots of people but the connection is fleeting – she doesn’t BELONG anywhere – and it’s the belonging that Seven needed/searched for and then are they really telling me for 20 fucking years (or however long it’s been since Voyager?) that Seven didn’t have it?!?!?

No bloody wonder she’s having issues with commitment, and needing to keep moving or be vulnerable. The one damn thing she wanted – to join StarFleet – the thing that she made herself VULNERABLE for – and she lost it. They rejected her.

Oh the agony.

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Finally getting to watch the episode. What I want to know is where Raffi’s phaser went? As I can’t remember but she had one to shoot out the window of the cop car, and now doesn’t have one.

Why is this taking place at night in the gloom? The gifmaker in me is crying at the lighting 😂 

Ok I need to rewatch that convo 20x even though it’s in the dark. “We’re not getting out of this” and jumps into the thick of it together anyway. I love that quality in an OTP.

OMG

OMG OMG OMG.

How hard did you all scream? I just legit screamed. Sorry not sorry for the live blogging btw. But holy shit Seven just got a tentacle in the gut and 👀👀👀

@Flick

Oh I was loud… My poor neighbours were not impressed.

Yeah I imagine I’ll get interrogated later as to what it was.

Ok I’m not sure I breathed for half of that episode. Coherent thoughts might have to wait. I just have feeeeeels.

Reminds me of the Burn Notice season 4 finale and now I want to manifest that somehow.

I am still in shock but I totally love that Picard was basically useless, Rios saved Picard but was otherwise useless, so the only ones on mission were the ladies. Jurati did the sneak sneak, Seven and Raffi took care of the rest. The galaxy would have been all Borg if left to the guys. They got distracted.

There wasn’t much consideration for consequences IMO.

I mean not once did they mention the borg statues they beamed into stone in the basement – I’m thinking they need to get rid of those as otherwise wouldn’t Picard remember them as a boy?

lol I must not have been as loud as I thought with my screaming, as I did not in fact face questions when I went downstairs 😂

@Ericine

Did you mean otp: it’s time to be brave little angel?

I mean “I belong out there with him… for better or for worse.”
“It’s probably going to be for worse.”
“Well, I knew that the moment I met him.”
jumps in the room with the bomb

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I don’t know whether to be sad or pleased :/

I have a terrible time finding exercise shorts. I like them to sit on the waist and be knee length with deep pockets – gold dust! The best pair I ever got mum found for me when I needed shorts for PE at school. I’ve had them 20 years. They are now rather loose in the waist and slipping 🙁

It is a bit mind melting to think I must have a smaller waist now than I did at 13. I mean I knew I was a chubby kid but seriously?

Clothes shopping is the absolute worst. Do not want.

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purlturtle:

Happy Bering and Wells day, everyone! 

Next year is 2023. You know what that means.

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Thirteen years of Bering and Wells!

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How about we gather our apples celebrate that! A get together? A fanworks extravaganza? Themed, even? Someone suggested “Bering and Wells thirteen years later: where are they now?”  and I think that sounds fun – but hey, right now this is only an idea. What do you guys think? 

(gifs not mine, but from the awesomely talented gifmakers @pagets – all the kudos and thanks!)

Yes!

We definitely need some kind of fanworks extravaganza.

The theme does sound appropriate but I don’t know, it doesn’t feel quite big enough. Like this is Warehouse 13 and it’s the 13th anniversary – that will only happen once.

What about something crazy like a huge fandom event? Big Bang maybe? It’s like it would be so cool if there was a deluge of love on that day, like a nice pile of presents for us all to enjoy.

Does that make sense?

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There are so many things that I’m not happy about with that Seven/Raffi drawing I posted this morning 🙁

I posted it because basically it’s the best I can do – at the moment – and it’s this ‘at the moment’ that I need to try and bear in mind. So yeah, an attempt was made I think is the tag I used.

Last summer I signed up for a Coloured Pencil drawing course as I thought that would give me some fundamentals. I haven’t got that far into it yet as I kept having panic attacks when I thought about drawing. Last week I picked it up again and I’m trying to do an hour of Art a day. That was intended to be the course but I got a bit side-tracked with attempting this Seven/Raffi drawing.

Anyway, my point is maybe this Coloured Pencil course will help me with some stuff, maybe it won’t translate to digital at all – I don’t know yet! BUT what I do know is when I have finished it, there’s 5 different courses I’m contemplating on Udemy.

I know I have a lot to learn. I know the Seven/Raffi drawing sucked for sooooo many reasons. I’m already embarrassed about sharing it, and then I think about what I posted several years ago – that was loads worse!! So I guess that means I’ve improved, which means hopefully I’ll be able to improve again in future.

That improvement can’t come fast enough. I’m always so impatient :/

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I sure hope this “doing stuff” business gets easier as time goes on. I’ve only been trying hard for a week and I feel utterly exhausted.

Can you improve mental stamina? Is it like a muscle and one day I’ll be cool with actually doing things most of the day? I sure hope so because this sucks.