Category Archives: Stream of Thought

Posted on by

A couple of important writing thoughts:

  1. I have been super down on my writing for ages, actually starting to despair that I could write anything worth reading and then it hit me – I still get emails from AO3 multiple times a week saying I have Kudos. I haven’t posted anything really in a couple of years now. This proves two things:
    1. Everything is always new to someone. I have said this before when I have discovered shows several seasons in/after they were cancelled, they are old but ‘new to me’ and the same applies to written works.
    2. Obviously I can’t be that bad or people wouldn’t still be reading my stuff. I know it’s free and I have the inbuilt ‘in’ of writing about someones favourite characters, rather than having to try and make them love characters I’ve invented but even so.
  2. I’m not the same person I was a few years back. Stuff has happened in my life and I’ve got older and I have new perspectives on things now – so why would I expect my writing to be the same? The answer is I can’t. The stories that fit me back then, don’t fit me now and that is ok. It’s evolution and why Chris Baty is right. He said “the novel you write at 20 isn’t the one you’ll write at 30″ and that applies to me. The one I wrote at 25 isn’t going to be the same as the one I write at 30. I need to adapt my ideas to my new outlook.

So I don’t know what to do with this yet ^^ but I felt like saying it.

Posted on by

I know the Once Musical got a lot of flak but I rather enjoyed most of the songs.

I say that because I absolutely love The Descendants soundtracks, not every song but most of them, they are catchy, easy to listen to but surprisingly meaningful if I actually pay attention to the lyrics.

That made me think of Disney movies and fairytales and there is something a little inseparable about it.

Which made me think about music in general. I listen constantly, it keeps me sane and allows me to survive in public places, but more than that it does speak to me. I have thousands of songs across all genres and a hundred years of time. What I listen to depends on what I need from it. The way it can affect or reflect emotion is incredible.

Music is an art form and every now and then (like right now) I stop and think about that and appreciate it for all its majesty.

There is real feeling in music.

Posted on by

There was an X-Men gifset on my dash, it made me think about them.

So I went looking for more gifsets.

Then last night I watched Days of Future Past.

It was a toss up between that and X3: The Last Stand, which yeah isn’t great for a lot of reasons, but it put my fave Storm front and center and so I like watching it for that.

Which reminded me of the frisson of potential which is what keeps me returning to Storm and The Last Stand. The idea of her stepping up, taking headship of the school and leading the X-Men. Which made me think about Mystique and how I generally prefer the OT to the soft-boot but they gave Mystique more screentime later, and there was some really interesting character dynamics, and then that made me start thinking about her character.

and just… do you ever really want to write fic because you feel the potential bubbling but there is nothing, no concrete leads to turn that buzz into words?

Don’t get me wrong I love the buzz, potential is intoxicating but I just really wish I could do something about it. I keep feeling sparks and there is absolutely no fire.

It’s frustrating.

Posted on by

I really can’t be trusted with tracking information.

Intellectually I know that clicking the button “where’s my parcel” won’t make a blind bit of difference as to when I actually get it but in this matter I’m controlled by the same part of my brain that presses the divider button over and over.

To quote Joe “no matter how many times you press the button it goes up and down the same way” – but I still press the button!

It’s like I just have this itch. I want my parcel and I hate hate hate waiting /facepalm

*clicks* ‘on it’s way’ /headdesk

Posted on by

I really wish you could make a companion dream team in Swtor. Obviously it would (should) change based on the character. I have my personal favourites though.

T7-01 because you can never go wrong with an R2-D2 styled droid.

Kira Carsen for the Jedi aesthetic (she wields two green lightsabers like Ahsoka)

Bowdaar because wookie (Chewie’s loyalty just predisposes me)

Mako for her tech skills, her light teasing nature, I just think she is cool.

Risha because of all the charm and sarcasm and flirting. She’s smart and sneaky, what’s not to like?

Fortunately I think there’s always been one companion that I could tolerate on each of the classes, though it sucked if the first companion was annoying as they tend to stick around for a while.

Ahh I’m getting nostalgic now. Smuggler is the last class story that I have to play through and then I will have done them all. I have already decided to replay Bounty Hunter as I began that back in 2011 so it’s a distant memory. All the thinking about it though is tempting me to replay Jedi Knight and Imperial Agent.

I remember when I did the Imperial Agent I googled for the correct responses because there are several outcomes for the story and I wanted to be sure I got the one I wanted – independent secret agent. Not that it probably matters in the long run but it’s still cool.

Anyway my smuggler is on Tattooine so…

Posted on by

I’m annoyed that my female smuggler can’t romance Risha because I definitely feel like there are sparks there.

True it’s probably just that they didn’t change dialogue responses so it’s the same no matter the smuggler buuuuut I don’t care what the games intention was – I am seeing potential.

Ah well they can’t stop headcanon

Posted on by

I’m always very confused when I read drawing advice. In one breath it says “draw what you love! Have fun, bring the passion!” and in the next it says “don’t do a passion project to start” so which is it?

I mean I can see arguments for both. Doing what you love helps keep you going because you love it but also it is hard to let go, easier to be perfectionist and any criticism will go to heart more as care more.

So I don’t know.

My want does exceed my ability by a huge margin but how will I ever close the gap if I never start? This dilemma is a big part of why I haven’t started as I don’t know what to commit to doing.

Posted on by

Today I went on the Warner Bros. Studio Tour (aka the Harry Potter experience) and it’s really well done. I definitely thinking going on the first tour of the day is a good idea as it made for a much more relaxed entrance. I have difficulties with crowds and I was apprehensively that I might ruin the day, or cause it to end early, if I had a panic attack and had to leave. However, maybe I should have had more faith in the Harry Potter brand.

I have never been anywhere where there were lots of people but so little noise. I don’t know for certain (as I’m not an expert in these things) but I reckon that they had experts who laid the tour out. So exhibits were placed to manage the flow of people and also the amount of noise. There were screens next to some of the exhibits showing a short video about them and they were easily heard. Even more amazing is that it was a big warehouse and it wasn’t echoey. I didn’t feel like I was being beaten on all sides by the hum of chatter.

Sorry I know it’s probably weird to focus on this (and not on the tour itself) but it’s a huge deal for me. I went to the space museum in Leicester last month and had to leave early after having only seen maybe a quarter of what I wanted. I always find that embarrassing and so to be able to essentially ‘complete the day’ means a lot to me.

Anyway the actual place! Well some of the sets are huge! I think the scale is what struck me the most. In the backlot they have facades of three houses. Then inside they have the Great Hall, Gringotts Bank – Diagon Alley! I had read of course that these exhibits were there but reading they exist and actually stepping inside them are two different things. The sheer scale was jaw dropping in person. I think the Concept Art wing might have been my favourite. Seeing the VFX and how they blended models, paintings, live action, green screen etc.

They had lots of card models done to scale in the Concept Art wing. They blew my mind just on their own because my fingers are much too clumsy. Then of course that led up to the main model – Hogwarts castle. The detail was staggering. I read that the turrets had a 1000 tiny tiles on them (again my fingers much too clumsy). They used the model in conjunction with digital VFX to film the scenes were the camera sweeps down corridors and stuff in the castle. You know it’s weird sometimes. Sets that I think are real are actually digital and sets which are so huge I’m sure must be digital, are actually real!

I was a big Potter fan as a kid but I was more interested in the cinematography behind the scenes details, than on the Potter stuff and I wasn’t disappointed. I had an extra talk as I had ‘Behind the Seams’ tickets so they talked all about costumes and the process of designing them, and showing us costumes up close and the details and also why the designers made the choices they did etc. That was super fascinating.

But even more than seeing how they did it, I was fascinated by the depth of the world building. It’s a bit like neuro-linguistic programming I guess. They talked about that in the costumes talk, about how everything about the design was intended to evoke certain reactions in the audience, and that was probably done subconsciously. It’s the same with the rest of the small details. Super-fans (and tumblr) probably notice but the GA likely doesn’t, however they are still probably influenced/drawn into the story more because of them. It’s what makes a living, breathing world I guess as well as being subconscious manipulation in terms of foreshadowing or prompting a particular emotional response.

Anyway as a creator, this gave me a lot to think about from a world building perspective. I am guilty a lot of the time of skipping over details. This showed me why they are important and also how they can deepen and enrich the actual story. It was a lot to think about and a lot to take in. I mean intellectually I knew that detailing was important but again I think like the scale of sets, it’s one thing to know, and another to actually see it.

So yeah 10/10 on management and solid content. Would recommend.

Posted on by

Just watched Ahsoka refuse to return to the Jedi which explains why she wasn’t in Revenge of the Sith but now I’m sad 🙁

Not because I disagree because Ahsoka is right. The council’s hand was forced, it was politics, but the problem is in one breath the order is family, and in the next it is expediency. She had a right to expect her family to show a little faith, even if politically they couldn’t.

It’s just I like Ahsoka and so I’m sad that it happened to her and I’m also sad because Anakin came within a hair of confessing about Padme and Ahsoka’s “I know” seemed to suggest she knew. It makes me wonder what would have happened if Anakin has had someone to confide in during Revenge of the Sith. I have read lots of “what if he had told Obi-Wan and then Obi-Wan could have given him perspective” (because Anakin getting caught in his own head and only seeing one path was a big part of the problem).

Still what if it had been Ahsoka? Especially as she had gone through this when Anakin was mistrusting the council she would have understood and he would have known that and therefore maybe trusted her opinion on the matter more. Also given Anakin’s unattractive possessiveness, Ahsoka not being Obi-Wan means no rivalry clouding things.

I reckon master or not she would have sat on him until he listened. Which makes me think that if Bariss hadn’t acted on her own, then Palpatine would have taken Ahsoka out of the picture himself eventually. Isolating Anakin and driving a wedge between him and anyone who would support him was essential for the manipulation. So I guess in that light Ahsoka’s decision probably saved her life.

Posted on by

I was just scrolling this blog (I hit follow after) and I was reminded of this writing craft book I read. I’ll have to search for it (I think it’s on my kindle) but the part I’m remembering was:

“challenge your first idea”

because the first thing that pops into mind isn’t necessarily the best fit. Now I’ll defend cliches (tropes) so I’m not hating on them but I did accept the point that the stereotype could be challenged with why?

For instance in my case as I was scrolling this blog I was thinking of an original story and my cast of characters and wondering if maybe I went with my gut, my first idea too quickly when it came to them. I was wondering if maybe I should have asked why a little more, and if maybe I could do something about it.

My problem though is I get attached. I have tunnel vision. Once I have thought of something I’m not good at brainstorming options, it’s like my brain says “you have your solution” and its very resistant to changing it. I get locked in.

Anyway I don’t know this is what was in my head and so I’m rambling about it. Sorry by the way if these rambling text posts are getting more frequent I’m trying something new. I need to let go of my perfectionist tendency. Like sometimes I’ll say in tags “oh I could write an essay about…” but then I don’t because I feel like it’s been said before better, or it’ll take more effort than I have in me to write a decent post about it. But why? Challenge that too. As can’t I just blurt out the thought? Not everything has to be justified, this isn’t uni I don’t need to research references or even worry about being wrong because “it’s just my opinion dude” and if I want to ramble about it then why can’t I?

So yeah. Unfollow or blacklist my rambling tags (I tag everything thoroughly) as I’m trying to embrace that yeah this is me and that is ok.