Author Archives: Sam

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So I might not have anything else ready to post for prompt month. I have some pieces in progress but it’s looking doubtful that I will finish them. After the “Ezekiel as Ezra” drawing I took a break from the art and shifted gears to revision analysis of this novel draft I wrote a couple of years ago.

Ten days later and I have tossed most of it, have a rewritten outline, and I’m ready to write the second draft.

Except I’m not.

For two days now I have procrastinated and avoided and just not started with the writing. This is something of a pattern with me. If I can do things (and often I can’t do anything) but when I can do things, I can do pre-tasks quite well. I can make lists, I can plan, I can be analytical and do prep work. The rewriting of the outline involved a lot of creative thought too, as once I knew what didn’t work I had to come up with something that I hoped would this time. So it’s not like I can’t totally do creative stuff.

I just can’t word.

It somehow makes it real I think which hits me in the subconscious where I am afraid all the time. I am afraid that it will suck again. I am afraid that I will never be able to fix it to my satisfaction. I am afraid that this will all just be wasted effort. I am also afraid that I will be able to write it ok, that I will make it ‘done’ at some point because I am afraid of what comes next and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. So yeah equally afraid of failure and success. Probably overwhelmed too for good measure with all the things I am trying to remember about how to write it better this time (technique wise, not just the content points).

I’m not just like this with words, I am like this with everything. Prep work is fine but the actual thing? My mind runs a million miles in the other direction. Like I want to get better at art but I have some fairly comfortable bad habits and it’s easier to just roll with that, rather than actually tackle the hard work and practice to really improve. I don’t have to face how crap I am without the crutches I lean on. Plus if I don’t ever seriously knuckle down and try, then I don’t have to find out whether it’s impossible for me to get to the skill level I would like.

My whole life is like this. The second anything gets real, or feels important, or has consequences, I start to run. I was good at school until the actual qualification years came about. Then I stopped doing my homework when it was set, and started scrambling to do it the night before. I stopped putting in extra effort and started doing the bare minimum. My classmates thought it was funny and strange as if they shifted it was the other way, to doing better now it mattered.

So I don’t entirely know what to do with myself. I am trying to be gentle and listen to my feelings rather than push and beat myself up, and send myself into a depression spiral (like normal). As that isn’t a behaviour pattern which serves me. It’s one I have practiced and reinforced for over two decades though so hard habit to break. Plus, intellectually knowing something and actually feeling it are two different things. I am annoyed with myself and I wish I could do better, I wish I could be the person I want and not self-sabotage like this. I hate it.

Thoughts on 2.05 (SNW)

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I’m not sure I can actually sit through this.

It started and immediately I went “oh no” as it was leaning on by far the weakest part of SNW. And also given Spock’s engagement I find the not quite platonic thing with Chapel uncomfortable. T’pring deserves more respect than that.

Got to the part where Spock said “what the fuck” and same dude same.

I’m now at the 16 minute mark so about 1/4 of the way through and just… I am uncomfortable, cringing, secondhand embarrassment and yet somehow still bored.

I mean I sat through far worse in Picard but I think it’s because I expect a lot more from SNW. It’s far more disappointing.

….

I took a little break and then did watch it.

Pike cooking for the engagement dinner was good. So in character. Such a dad.

I don’t recall what the issue is with Spock and his father. I have a vague memory it was mentioned on Discovery but it’s been a minute since I saw that.

Space Karen and her incredibly hen pecked husband was ehhhh ok. A bit odd really if it was the husband that was in favour of the match as he agreed with his wife about everything else, so why not agree with her about Spock?

If Spock is wrestling with his dual nature tying it into prejudice and his mothers experience was a good direction. Much better than the cringing comedy that was most of the episode.

Honestly almost all the characters felt off, like they were OOC. Pike was solid but that’s about it.

As for that end scene… I really can’t believe that we are what 20 years on? And we are doing the Friends “but we were on a break!” plot. I mean “taking time apart” doesn’t sound like “hook up with whomever you want” to me. It sounds like “I want to press pause on deepening commitment”. That isn’t a release to do whatever. In fact the opposite. I guess Spock doesn’t want to get married or he would want to do whatever he could to improve T’pring’s opinion of him.

I think this is the weakest episode from across both seasons. It’s not one I will rewatch. Very little in the positive column imo.

@Bird of Dawning

I loved Spock just appearing to tidy up after Sam.

I feel that impulse. I don’t like to touch stuff so idk if I would clean up his stuff but I would want to. So kinship with Spock there!

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This was inked. I made special effort with the line weights and even did some attempts at ‘comic book style inking’ for the shadows. Ezekiel (as Ezra) was done mostly with markers but some coloured pencil touch-ups. The background was done entirely with coloured pencils. I wanted it to be softer and for Ezekiel to pop more. So the background wasn’t inked, so there were no hard lines and also the saturation of colour was a bit less as the markers are stronger.

I’m relatively pleased with the composition. I think the one on the right (in the field) came out the best. I like the background on that. I think the grass field rendered well and I blended his feet in nicely. The smoke isn’t that good but it’s not terrible either. However, the background at the market went a bit wrong. I got a bit lost doing the stall. Also I’m sure I messed up the perspective on the box and probably elsewhere too.

The shadows on the market picture are the worst. The ones in the background are just bad really. I made an effort but it’s not good. The comic inking shadows on both didn’t come out that well either. I think perhaps I did it wrong. It didn’t blend in and look right. It was definitely too intense on Ezekiel’s side in the field picture.

I still feel like there isn’t much life in the pose. It’s very stiff. I suspect that’s to do with my linework. It’s not very fluid as I’m careful in copying my mocked up ‘sketch’. I still have a lot to learn.

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LEGO Star Wars Ahsoka 75357 Ghost & Phantom II revealed

Ahhhhhh!

I am so excited 🤩🤩🤩

Star Wars Rebels = my favourite Star Wars media.

I (like a lot of people) had a ‘dark age’ when it came to Lego and the run of Rebels sets happened before I came back to Lego which I have been crushed by ever since my return 🙁 they are impossible to get secondhand for a decent price. Usually they go for 2-5x what the original RRP was and I just can’t.

Obviously this new version of the Ghost doesn’t have the original minifigs but there is a version of Hera and Chopper. Both Zeb and Sabine appear in Ahsoka so might appear in a different set. So sadly that leaves Ezra and Kanan missing.

There is a JACEN minifig! He doesn’t have the green hair which… to be honest I am a bit disappointed about. I hoped he would as an inherited manifestation from his mum, but we’ll have to see. He hasn’t appeared beyond 5 seconds at the end of the Rebels finale so I withhold judgement.

September 1st this comes out.

I try and be strategic with my purchases to get the biggest bang for my buck. I wait for sales or if there is a good “gift with purchase” but I don’t know if I will be able to wait 😂 it’s the Ghost!!

Thoughts on 2.04 (SNW)

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OW!!! What the fuck was that? I am 13 minutes in and my ears are bleeding. Well alright not literally but OUCH!

Ugh! It’s a plot point and repeats 😭

Ooof ok the pain in my ears is an abiding memory for sure. The whole “doctors aren’t usually selected for their fighting skills” calls back to episode 1 and suggests yes that is a subplot this season, and 2 we better get some kind of answer as I really do have questions.

What was that finger under the eye gesture La’an and M’Benga did?

Ah Ortegas 😦 I love them, they are a favourite and most episodes I wish they had more to do. With this one? Yes they were on screen more, yes they kinda saved the day, but like you said it was just “I fly the ship” which is all we know. So frustrating! And unfair. I mean M’Benga seems to be getting this fighting subplot and he had his daughter subplot last season. La’an had the gorn last season and Khan this season. Uhura had “do I belong in starfleet?” last season and is a new ensign now. Why is Ortegas the only one who gets nothing?

I don’t know about Luq. I’m back and forth about it. I’m relieved they did treat him “for his own good” but Pike pointed out it was his choice to stay. He hadn’t been spared the pain as he felt it and the absence he just didn’t know why. Is waking up everyday with that itchy feeling of something being missing but not knowing worse than knowing? It’s too bad they didn’t condense things and then have a wrap-up with some people deciding they wanted to know, and others maybe after having remembered choosing not to. That should maybe have happened and them yanking the asteroid away to wake everyone up did take the choice away. After a thousand years it was a way of life for them – their culture, and yes it wouldn’t have been without the asteroid but humans wouldn’t exist if dinosaurs hadn’t been wiped out be an asteroid so I don’t think we can really argue there.

I wonder if some of Pike and Batel is that he knows his fate and thinks that he doesn’t want to wreck her life for something that won’t last?

Also this show is very pretty. The snow and that purple orange sky with mountains was wow.

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I hate watching space battles. I am watching the season 3 finale of Star Wars: Rebels and all the ships getting blown up 🥺 it seriously makes me tear up. All those people 😭 I hate it.

Obviously a story has to have stakes, and I guess this story has done it’s job in upsetting me because I care, but ugh! I like it when the good guys win and some pain and bruises = fine, but death 😔 no.

So often it seems like the shows leave the main characters alive, and they kill off the background ones to show the stakes like they don’t matter. They do matter! I mean obviously I don’t want the main characters to die and I am very ok with plot armor, but I wish the poor “redshirts” didn’t pay the price.

That really bugged me in season 3 of Picard. They literally showed the bodies, the blood on the walls. It was graphic. But the characters own words didn’t make any mention of it. It was like the bridge crew was all alive so that was ok. I know the trope ‘redshirts’ came from Trek but that doesn’t make it right.

So yes I am sad. All those ships 🥺

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Watercolour pencil painting of Galahad, in Camelot times.

I had a reference for the horse and the background. It was the rider/knight and the pose with the sword that I changed. My reference was blurry which I think didn’t really help. I wanted a somewhat blurry, fantasy background. Sort of like he’s riding and that’s why the details can’t really be seen. However, I don’t feel like I achieved that. I think it’s just a mess of colour, and the ‘glaze’ I tried to add at the bottom for the dust the horse was kicking up didn’t work at all.

I can see far more of the paper texture than I am comfortable with. I don’t know if that means I didn’t use enough pigment or if it’s just this paper. It’s a new watercolour pad and I think it’s cold-press (I usually use hot-press which is smoother).

He looks rather stiff and unnatural and his torso isn’t correct. I don’t know if that’s in the shaping or in the shadows meaning it doesn’t look like it has form. I definitely think I need to lay more pigment down, and possibly use less water. I’m still learning the balance.

Thoughts on 2.03 (SNW)

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Ok I wasn’t expecting anything that happened. This episode was a surprise a minute. I mean we had seen the trailer clips of Kirk in the past but I never would have thought this is how that happened.

It’s weird because last night I watched a different show that pulled just the main character out of their usual setting, paired them with a guest side character, and nobody else appeared. This episode had background with some of the crew but apart from Pelia they didn’t even really talk. Pike had one line and M’Benga had two, but like one scene only deals. Otherwise it was one regular on a two-hander with a guest side character.

Of all the characters to pull out from the ensemble and make carry the entire episode really, its interesting that it was La’an. I mean you could argue episode 1 was for Spock, but M’Benga and Chapel had their side story, there was banter with Uhura and La’an. Episode 2 was Una focused but Pike had a role, and so did La’an again, and Spock also testified etc. So even though they were focused, the rest of the crew didn’t entirely disappear. But yeah this was a two-hander really.

Interesting that if what happened, always happened, then Pelia saw La’an in the past. She said she was terrible with faces though so might not remember.

The end with La’an space skyping with Kirk was a bit odd. I mean I get her being impulsive given the emotional ride but Kirk just didn’t blink. Her lie wasn’t convincing so what was he thinking?

Interesting that the episode began with M’Benga saying La’an should talk, and now she isn’t allowed 🤔

I’m still a bit stuck on the genesis of dumping the ensemble for the La’an and Kirk hour. I guess they could shoot that second unit? And it wasn’t on the sets mostly either? So perhaps it was a production thing? Although all that location shooting (which they don’t usually do just have been expensive?) or perhaps the episode required less CGI and other sci-fi making things so was cheaper?

Although speaking of expensive. They sure did manage to buy a LOT of stuff from Kirk winning a few chess games. I mean that hotel suite? That was insane! That had like a lounge and two bedrooms.

I wonder why La’an’s hand opened the door? She said marker in her DNA but it wasn’t drawing blood and how could it know that fast? I mean it seemed like it wasn’t supposed to be very far into the future from now.

Anyway I liked it but stylistically it was so left field I am still processing.

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So I just saw a petition for “Make Star Trek: Legacy with Matalas as showrunner” and it has about 66 thousand signatures…

To be hyperbolic I would rather gouge out my own eyes with a rusty spoon than watch anything that man had a hand in ever again.

Make Star Trek: Legacy but give it to anyone BUT him.

Season Three of Picard was truly awful for reasons which have been enumerated many times. More like that? No thank you.

Honestly I don’t even understand the point of this petition. Who started it? For what reason? Star Trek: Legacy has been so heavily hinted that if development allows (filming schedules etc.) it’s a pretty sure thing. Strange New Worlds took a year or so from being a “you guys would like that?” To being made/announced. These things take time. Just because it isn’t big news right now, doesn’t mean it’s not developing behind the scenes.

It just feels like an ego boost to be honest for Matalas. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t made it himself to go “look they like my work” and obviously 66 thousand people do. I certainly do not.

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Watercolour painting with a some coloured pencil corrective work.

Attempt at a comic book style three panel strip. I like how the title painted and the bolts in space look alright. I sketched this with the grid method from the digital mock-up, rather than printing and tracing, and I’m pleased I made the attempt. I think the ship turned out ok. Not great but my reference was shaky and so the rendering of the ‘windows’ was pure guesswork. I’m pleased I tried to deepen the shadows at the bottom, there was an effort at contrast there at least.

However, the dramatic lighting I was going for (night scene, with the lightsaber glowing) did not work out. The lightsaber glow wasn’t enough. An attempt was made but executed badly. I didn’t get the shadows right. I can see now how I messed up with his leg, and lack of defined shadows there etc. Also in my effort not to overblend, I didn’t put enough contrast in several places, most notably the droid and Jacen’s face, but also his clothes. Another big mess up was with the stars. I used masking fluid to keep those areas white and they are too big and uniform.