Without hearing how the proposition was made it’s difficult to know. If there had been any suggestion that he had feelings then I would have agreed, thinking that we could talk about it. Knowing Cal as I do now, I suspect that would have been a disaster of misunderstandings, especially if he wasn’t honest because he was trying to protect himself from being hurt.
If it had sounded like the clinical “we’re two consenting adults, it’s just a biological urge, an itch to scratch” then I hope I would have said no. Being so close to him, and yet so far away, would have hurt. From what I know now, it would have hurt us both. However … the temptation to just pretend, and also not to lose him…
Basically I’m glad it never came up. I think it would have been painful and ended badly and we might never have got it sorted, and wound up as happy together as we are.
I was never the playboy type. I embraced the ruthless, dangerous side instead and didn’t let anyone get close. Women were a risk, not least because of the inevitable ‘kiss and tell’ articles. There were a number of fake ones anyway because people want their fifteen minutes, they certainly didn’t enjoy the lawsuit and injunctions my lawyers filed because of their lies.
Belle was always different, infinitely more dangerous but I couldn’t bring myself to fire her. I knew her well enough to know she would be discrete, and yes I did consider a short-term affair to get it out my system, and then a generous severance package while she found a new job when it inevitably ended. However, I never could summon up the courage. I didn’t want to lose her, not her smiles when I did something right, not her scolding when I worked half the night; she fit into my life and made it so much better.
I suppose I had a rather large case of denial. It wasn’t until I was taken prisoner that I admitted to myself that I’d somehow fallen in love with her. I never believed for one second that she could possibly return my affections. I resolved that if I lived, if I managed to escape, that I would never tell her. If I did then I would lose her from my life completely. I would rather have kept Belle as a friend, than not had her at all.
Fortunately for us both, there was that incident at my factory. High on adrenaline, and the rush of survival, I kissed her (although Belle maintains she kissed me) and I admitted my feelings. I tried to apologize, I wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, but Belle wouldn’t let me. She said for a genius, I was an utter idiot. We’ve been together ever since.
Belle: It’s definitely our place. It’s comfy, and cozy, there is something particularly safe and reassuring about it. We haven’t used it again since our first night together. I don’t want it to lose it’s effect if we use it too often.
(Gold’s eyes dart nervously over to Belle. He’s sweating and turned pale.)
Belle: *whispers* I suspect we’ll be using it again soon. We don’t need to rush into anything but I think we’d both be more secure with a general roadmap about where we’re heading.
Gold: *coughs* Neal is having a sleepover at the Nolan’s next weekend.
When I first started working for Cal I wasn’t impressed. He had a terrible reputation and he was so rude! I resolved not to let him get the better of me but it was looking quite antagonistic. Then, just a few days after I started working for him, my perspective changed. We were on our way to a business meeting when he suddenly barked an order to stop the car and jumped out. There was a child sitting at the bus stop. He was grubby and crying. I hadn’t even noticed them but a moment later Gold’s thousand dollar jacket was around them.
His reputation was that of a cold, heartless monster but he sat there for over an hour talking with him, completely missing the meeting. He then took the boy to the hospital where he was treated for a broken arm. Gold stayed with him, paid all the bills, and then took him home. It turned out the child was being badly bullied, and another child had pushed them over which is how they were hurt. Gold set up a trust for him, paid for him to go to a different school, and not one word of it was leaked to the press. It wasn’t done for good publicity, it was just done because he could and because it was a nice thing to do.
I knew then that he wasn’t the man I thought he was, that there was more to him – a man behind the ruthless businessman. Nobody could be that nice to a complete stranger, for no personal gain, if they were actually a monster. By the time he was taken a couple of years later, yes I was completely in love with him. I’d got to know him by then, unraveled some of his many layers, and I really liked the man I’d found.
He was still my boss so I never said anything, if it hadn’t been for the Iron Man suit I don’t know if either of us ever would have. There was an incident at Gold’s factory, which is what led to him announcing he was Iron Man, and it was an adrenaline-fueled time. I saved Cal’s life and then soon after he saved mine and we kissed. He confessed he was terrified he could have lost me and I confessed the same. It’s a tale as old as time really…
Basically I am a sucker for established relationship. I tell whatever the story is which is often how they fell in love but I like it when they are passed the awkward stage, and there’s all the mutual support and working together as a team.
What is you greatest strength as a writer?
This is one of the hardest questions ever as it’s so much easier to be self-deprecating. I suppose though if I had to name something it would be my imagination. I’ve never been lost for an idea and I can come up with ideas on demand. I never have a lack of anything to write. If I’m prompted, it might take me a day, but I’ll have an idea. Whether I then have the discipline to write all these ideas though is another matter…
What do you struggle the most with in your writing?
Everything. Ok no in all seriousness, while I do feel like I struggle with pretty much every aspect of the process it does all come back to the same thing – confidence. First drafts quite often suck which makes it a draining process because it feels like I’m writing rubbish. I need the confidence in myself to know I can fix it, I need faith so that I keep going and I finish the story.
This doesn’t just go for the first draft stage but for every stage because there’s a risk in every part of the process. Plus the closer the story gets to completion, it’s then ‘finishing’ things and I need the confidence to let it go, to think that I’ve done enough, that I’ve done my best. It’s confidence that is needed to put it out there in the world, but to be honest posting is easy, it’s dealing with what happens next that’s hard.
It’s posting something and then screaming into the void, getting no traction with it and resisting the temptation to take it down and pretend like it never happened. It’s posting something and getting negative reviews, and being able to move on from that and keep writing. That requires a level of confidence I’m not sure I have because yeah it’s just one persons opinion but I’m wired to believe the worst. The comments echo round in my mind and it makes me wonder who I’m kidding, and that I’m a terrible writer and I should just stop because I’m embarrassing myself.
Confidence. It all comes down to confidence. Self-faith really. That is by far the hardest thing of all.
The night didn’t go at all how I thought it would. Belle was … there are no words for how she made me feel.
Accepted. I felt accepted and unbelievably loved.
Me! Accepted and loved? I know, it’s unbelievable. What is even more unbelievable is that Belle has hinted that she wouldn’t be adverse to another night together. The words want to burst out, I long to just beg her to stay forever but one good night, and a few declarations of love, doesn’t mean she’d want to be chained to me permanently.
Perhaps when Neal next has a sleepover with the Nolan’s, Belle could visit again. If she still wants to of course…
Belle: Snags? I don’t think there have been any … snags do you Carl?
Gold: *winces* I’ve learned my lesson sweetheart.
Belle: *kisses him gently* I know and we’re stronger for it. Still chopping off all your hair based on a half-overheard conversation was …
Gold: Stupid
Belle: I was going with impulsive which is far more my trait than yours. Anyway, it will grow back and it taught us a valuable lesson in communication.
Well there was that one time when he came home early and we were in the kitchen … talk about a mad scramble. Gold all but shoved me in the pantry. Neal was a little confused and suspicious as to why his dad was shirtless but he seemed to accept the laundry excuse. That or he’s his dad’s son, as the second he asked Gold gave him fifty bucks for the movies, just to get him out of there.
No it wasn’t for Neal’s sake that I reminded Gold, it was for mine. Gold is always so damn controlled, keeping quiet on the off-chance Neal might hear something. I wanted him to lose that control, to just give in and enjoy. I wouldn’t trade our marriage for anything, but sometimes I miss the early days, when we used to just hook up and have fantastic sex. Don’t get me wrong the sex is always fantastic now. It’s just … I don’t know maybe I should suggest we take a long weekend sometime soon…
You know, Lacey… Some people might argue that trying to keep quiet is half the fun 😉
Lacey: That depends, maybe sometimes for the thrill if we were somewhere interesting … besides sound doesn’t carry in this house. I already checked that.
(OOC: I really must write the actual fic for this before I wind up writing more random oneshots /facepalm)
Mostly I have a word or feeling in mind and then I start searching through iTunes. I hit up the thesaurus a lot, trying to capture the feeling/essence of the fic in just a couple of words. Sooner or later I’ll hit on something that feels right and then it’s just about trying to make it flow and pop because obviously not all words/phrases sound good as a title.
