So it’s 4am and I’m wide awake -again.

This has become my life.

Fuck you birds with your pre-dawn chorus. Fuck you!

Is it any wonder that I loathe summer so much? It’s too hot for blankets, there are too many bugs, oh and I can’t get any fucking sleep.

I’m used to waking at 6am but the tail end of 3am/4am is just taking the piss.

“There are no rules against going out with police officers”

Maura sweetie how would you just know that?

Maybe you looked it up?

Maybe you be dating a certain detective? 🤣

Being an adult can suck in a lot of ways

But I’ve made myself pancakes for dinner in 3 different ways this week

That’s pretty good compensation 😁

So I want to do stuff but I feel tired. Is it real fatigue? Is it mental? Does it matter?

It’s like can I push and make myself?

If I don’t then I will wonder if I could anyway.

But I do feel tired. There just aren’t the spoons.

And the tasks aren’t done and I do want to do them. They pull at my heart and nag at me and I feel guilty because it’s not like I don’t have time.

Except I’m tired (but am I really?)

Ugh. I don’t know what to do. I would very much like to not feel tired, can that be arranged?

Every year it’s Star Wars day.

Every year I think “I wish I had made something”

And then every year I forget.

It’s like that with others days too. I really should put several escalating alerts on my phone or something. It’s like I know it’s coming and yet it doesn’t hit until it’s here.

Shame on me.

The more I think about the CSI: Vegas cancellation the more gutted I am.

I’m close with mum. She visits my house two evenings a week, I cook us dinner and we watch TV. Mum doesn’t do anything remotely sci-fi or fantasy. Sometimes I will put the Librarians on because it’s my comfort show and as she loves me she tolerates it. However, usually I try and put on something that she likes and that I can tolerate.

So I go back to crime shows. That’s what we started out watching together over 20 years ago but I find my tolerance for them has waned over the years. For instance Mum likes Blue Bloods but eventually I had to say nope, sorry, I just can’t watch it anymore however pretty I thought Erin was sometimes.

CSI Vegas – I am not immune to the nostalgia. I always liked the science angle rather than just pure copganda. It’s something I’ll actually watch on my own and not just with mum. Plus you know Catherine, always my favourite character (if Sofia had been in OG CSI longer there would have been competition. Ah Sofia I will never forget you).

When I googled about CSI Vegas I saw NCIS Hawai’i has also been canned. Beautiful setting, I love Tennant, so competent. Two lesbian main characters in a happy committed relationship. Yet this one gets cancelled while the juggernaut OG goes for the 22nd season /sigh.

Now we can do rewatching and I do prioritise what I prefer for that obviously (I’m not an idiot), but ugh! I have rewatched CSI quite a bit so new CSI was great and now no more 🙁

I really am sad.

Recently it’s been a trip with “20th anniversary this” and “25th anniversary that” and I’m like fuck you no it’s not I was in high school/uni/an adult then and that’s not possible.

(Ok it’s possible)

But still it’s not right.

Anyway today I got slapped in the face in regards to CSI. It’s going to be the 25th anniversary next year for that! But I was looking up when Sofia joined and feeling super old about it all.

I’m old enough I watched it live. It feels more like 5 years ago than 20. Some part of me never moved past 2009.

Time man. The years really do keep coming and they don’t stop coming.

xviruserrorx asked:

1, 2 & 20 for the ask game 😁❤️

Oooooh thank you 🙂 🙂 🙂

1) Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?
On one hand my answer to this is “how long is a piece of string?” because a story is only as long as it needs to be. I have written novel-length fics, I have written oneshots. A few years back I wrote a handful of shorter Librarians fics and I like those, but they were just one moment in time, one particular plot point. It all depends on the story I’m telling.

However, on the other hand it’s asking what I prefer and in which case I’m a multi-chapter plotty shenanigans type writer. I like multiple POV’s and conflicting agendas, character arcs and themes, subplots and genre mash-ups. I suppose to put it another way when I fall in love with a TV show, it’s not just with one episode – it’s with how all the episodes string together. When I get a spark of inspiration for a story, it’s not usually just for one moment, it’s for a lot of moments all strung together into a greater whole. I’m not creating one story, I’m creating a universe – in some cases literally.

2) Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?
I’m a planner. For my fanfics how deep the planning goes depends on the length of the story. I always have the broadstrokes, even if it’s just a handful of bullet points. For my novels I do a complete scene by scene outline BUT I don’t plan either of them by ‘chapter’. I don’t know how long scenes will be and I try and break my chapters so they are all around the same length (unless story-wise it works better for a chapter to be ultra short or long). So I tend to break into chapters by feel/word count, as I write, rather than as part of the planning process.

20) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
Oh definitely. No words/expressions are immediately coming to mind but that will be something I look out for when I do revision. I don’t want my ‘voice’ to overpower the characters.

However, something that I always, always come back to is the notion of masks and acceptance. My characters always seem to want to be seen, for someone to know them as they are and accept them. It doesn’t have to be romantic (though that’s often an easy way to write it). But yeah if we’re talking what a character needs vs what they think they want, then almost always what they need is true acceptance. I think this is probably a theme in every story I ever write.

It’s probably not the only repeating theme but it’s the first one that comes to mind.

purlturtle asked:

13, 14, and 16 for the fic writer asks, please!

Yay thank you for the ask!

13) What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?
Ooof erm. I always feel like I wind up picking at the phrasing of these questions, like what qualifies as being ‘common’ and does ‘almost always’ mean exactly that rather than always? I’m probably trying to be too precise but this is just how my brain is.

You see I was going to say “maintain POV” as opposed to head hopping, but I always maintain POV these days, as I trained myself out of the head hopping.

For an ‘almost always’ I think I’m going to say “schedule writing time” – aka that quote about… (let me google) “I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.” -W. Somerset Maugham.“ – basically it’s about being disciplined. Make a commitment and show up for yourself, and for your story. I almost always try and do this. It’s not easy, some days I procrastinate badly and don’t get a lot done, but I still have my butt in the chair, and that’s half the battle sometimes. I don’t do everyday though. Tried it, couldn’t make it work. I aim for 5 days a week and I can ‘undesignate’ days if I have appointments or something is going on. The important thing is on any day it’s possible, I show up for the writing.

14) How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?
I don’t consciously draw from personal experience. Indeed I very rarely have any kind of matching experience with my characters (my life is far too limited) but I know fear, I know pain, I know shame etc. and I guess that helps in the abstract. It’s a bit like a jigsaw puzzle, piecing it altogether.

I know the scenario, I know the character, I know their personality, their history etc. Because different characters would obviously react with different emotions even to the same scenario. So I have to work out what kind of emotional reaction is right for the character in that moment and how they would portray that. Somebody might be feeling something intensely inside, but now show it much on the outside. Somebody else might throw things, scream or cry etc.

I don’t think I feel what the characters do, but at the same time I do think it does affect me somehow. Like it’s not “sad scene = sad Sam” but maybe the intensity? I find that I have more of an extreme reaction to things. So perhaps writing emotional scenes makes me more sensitive?

16) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?
I can’t 100% recall how my fanfic ideas I had on my list when I decided to quit fanfic. I get nostalgic sometimes. I really wanted those ideas to exist BUT just because they won’t as fanfic, doesn’t mean that a spark of them won’t one day exist in an original story of mine.

For example I always wanted to write a Bering and Wells tropetastic Christmas story. Well who says that one day I can’t write the fake dating, bringing a colleague home for the holidays, snowed in, huddling together for warmth, oh no there’s only one bed etc. lesbian romance. It’s certainly on my list.

I have well over half a dozen different series ideas, and a few standalone novel concepts. I got first drafts of a fair few ‘Book Ones’ as I have jumped from project to project, not sticking with a series or even a genre. I’m trying to be a bit more disciplined about that from now on. I picked a series and started to reboot it this year. I redrafted Book One and I should probably start the revision on it tomorrow. Then onto Book Two. There’s six books in this series and it does make me a little sad sometimes to think I’m unlikely to write anything else for a couple of years. I think I’ll always have more ideas than time/spoons.

kira-nerys-rocks asked:

NoTP?

Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you’ve changed your mind?

Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your “favourite?”

Thank you! ❤️

3) NoTP?

Generally speaking I try not to think about what I don’t like, I prefer to focus on what I do – love not hate you know.

The most recent that I absolutely can not stand is Shaw/Seven. Just writing it down and contemplating it makes me feel sick. An original from years ago that I can’t stand is Trip/T’Pol (both from Star Trek). I am tempted to say Wyatt and Lucy from Timeless but honestly I only came to utterly loathe that in the later parts of season 2. Oh and can’t forget Hook and Emma from Once.

There are probably others but as I said I try and not think about it. Also this is just my opinion. There’s an expression “don’t want to yuck someone else’s yum”. I am old school fandom really about ‘staying in my lane’. I might not like ships but I have nothing against shippers.

14) Is there a character or ship you were so sure you would never write/draw but now you’ve changed your mind?

Answered here 🙂

21) Go onto your AO3. Which ship have you written for the most? The least? Does this correspond to who you consider your “favourite?”

I have 41 fics tagged for Rumbelle (Once). The next one is Helen/John/James (Sanctuary) with 8. The lowest is Flynn/Lucy (Timeless). This is entirely because I did the bulk of my fanfic writing when I was in my ‘Rumbelle era’. Not anything to do with favourite.

I actually wrote a post about this on tumblr (probably more than one to be honest) about how it hurt my soul a little bit that it didn’t feel like I had shown Helen/John/James the same amount of love. It was never about the level of obsession just where I was in my life.

I don’t know if I can really say that any ship is a favourite above the others. Obsessions wax and wane, fondness remains. At different times of my life, different ships have hit me hard. Some pairings have endured for longer in terms of fandom participation but there are so many factors at play for that. Rumbelle definitely isn’t my current favourite, I can say that at least.

Bonus question because you had a repeat 🙂

4) Is there a popular pairing you don’t necessarily dislike but aren’t too invested in?

Many probably. I mean unless I out and out hate it, or I’m obsessed, there’s a lot of middle ground that encompasses everything else. I am trying to think of an example. Oh! The Leverage OT3. That’s a good example. They are obviously family and very important to one another, and Hardison and Parker are very sweet together on the show. I can see why people like all three of them together romantically. I’m not against it but I’m not invested either. I am comfortable with just how they are, because the bond between them is so strong.