aliveburs:

being insane about your own fics is so embarrassing like i want to scream and cry and shout about them but it’s like. my own guys. 

(via agentmmayy)

#you can just do it anyway#but tbh it doesn’t much help the gnawing feeling of invisibility#only someone else being enthused can do that and that’s like gold dust#but hey gotta get those feelings out somehow#10/10 would recommend rambling about own fics#nobody probably cares and it’s very lonely but if you can’t talk to your own tumblr blog then who?

Ok I am trying to keep it to oneshot length but /sigh words are on the page.

Saffi fic is happening even though I quit fanfic and am not supposed to be writing it anymore.

Hopefully this will at least enable me to keep resisting the epic novel length ideas. It will help me resist right? It could make it worse.

I just have too many feelings.

When I can’t sleep and I am trying to tell myself a story to distract the brain demons my brain sometimes does weird things.

I mean at 2am I think you get a pass for random story crap right?

So last night I was musing about the synths and that wormhole to sentient killer robot land (which has to be out there somewhere in the galaxy) and my brain has sort of semi-permanently connected that to Stargate replicators. So I was like “ok replicators were contained in Ida. A big don’t ever fucking go there message was left with that 9 moon planet (or whatever it was) so the containment net stayed intact. Wormhole punching through that meant some escaped, jumping maybe to Othala or straight to the edge of the Milky Way? Idk. Replicators do what replicators do and there is a LOT of them bearing down on the Federation.”

That was the scenario. At 2am I was imagining the battle. Captain Seven was very heroic. In hindsight this was perhaps not the best story to imagine as I got quite into the dressing down speech she gave the Admiralty, who were repeating the mistakes of Romulus. Wringing their hands, bleating how someone should do something, just so long as someone wasn’t them. How she resigned and then in true Ranger style took what she needed to help (a ship) and she tried to get the crew to leave but they wouldn’t, as they would have followed her into hell (as indeed they did) and they became legends.

But anyway then I was like “remix time!” and wondered what if they lost the battle? What if a time traveler came back as part of a Hail Mary “today we are cancelling the apocalypse”. From how far into the future? Who managed to send them back? When did they arrive? Who is it?

At 2am I found it utterly hilarious to imagine it was Raffi’s great grandkid (mothers side), and B’elanna’s grandkid (fathers side). Very close to their Nana and Oma, the two ladies combined their genius to build the ship out of duct tape and prayers, and send it through the black hole Kelvin style to save the day. Idk whatever, they were smart. Said grandkid obviously is like “stop being idiots! Life is too short to be lonely” and so the ridiculous on and off again mess of Seven and Raffi settles down.

Then I made myself laugh so damn hard because I was just messing about (it was 2am, I wanted to sleep!) but I had the sudden thought that maybe this was how Matalas came up with the whole Jack Crusher Borg baby thing?

There is nothing wrong with crazy amusing shit at 2am. Whatever gets me through the insomnia you know? But hey at least I know it’s the kind of crap that only belongs at 2am. Cold light of day? Kill it with fire. Don’t make it into a multi-million dollar season for the whole world to… /cough ‘enjoy’? Well not so much 🤣

I am actually surprised I haven’t seen any posts before now correlating Shaw and Bjayzl and making Seven be ashamed of who she is – who she was made to be and who she had to fight to become. Seven had to forge her identity and these fuckers demeaned her for it.

#I’m going to end up writing fic again aren’t I?#the feels aren’t going to contain themselves I am at boiling point with the spite#justice! some damn justice please

girlpornparadise:

galactic-pirates:

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I’m not here to change anyone’s mind. I know there has been a ton of discourse around Shaw deadnaming Seven, but I’ll wade into the muck anyway.

Firstly, I am aware that deadnaming is a triggering subject for a lot of people and as a cishet woman I can’t truly understand it.

But I also think we need to contextualize it in Star Trek as a piece of fiction. Yes, Shaw is my Blorbo. No, deadnaming Seven isn’t okay. However, television has been reduced to 10 episode seasons. We literally don’t have time for subtlety or character development the way we used to. The writers picked deadnaming as shorthand for Shaw being an asshole and as a quick way to flip the switch to him showing respect with his dying breath as a character redemption. Was it lazy? Probably. But I’m genuinely curious how you would change it. How would you get the same effect given he is a new side character in a series focusing on a half dozen legacy characters who take screen time getting excited about the carpet on the Enterprise D (fact, not complaint). 

I just get the same vibe as people who think characters should talk out all their feelings like a therapy session to divide all the good guys into white hats and the bad guys into black hats. I want assholes to redeem themselves and heroes to make bad decisions. I want scenarios that make me question my own day to day actions and motivations. For the love of all that is fictional, can we keep characters of varying character so not everything is a Disney movie.

Hey I think we’ve had a miscommunication. Probably entirely my fault as like I said I have never used the meme format to make a point before. It was probably too complex which is why I wrote too much and the font is so tiny.

What the writers motivations were for why they wrote it is… well a friend just explained to me Watsonian vs Doyalist textual analysis which is basically in universe vs out of universe. I was coming at this from an in universe perspective. What happened, happened, and if the characters were real people (obviously they are not) about how they would process that/feel about things etc.

I am incredibly conflict averse which is why I tagged the way I did. I want to stay in my lane. If Shaw is your blorbo I am honestly happy for you. Seriously not being sarcastic. Fandom is an expression of love. Different characters resonate with different people etc. so I’m not in any way saying you are wrong for your feelings.

Purely talking about this from a character perspective my point actually had very little to do with Shaw at all. It was entirely about Seven’s (potential) POV/reactions as related to prior trauma. She’d been in an abusive relationship, and Shaw’s actions (while much less than what Bjayzl did) would have been like a callback. That part wasn’t Shaw’s fault, he wasn’t to know about triggering trauma/bad memories. The end part of my point, about how it was worse coming from the Captain, is again from Seven’s POV, because Janeway I guess and Picard maybe and how ultimately Seven wouldn’t have expected that behaviour from StarFleet. Not to say that StarFleet hasn’t disappointed her before but the Captain was someone her subconscious could have reasonably assumed would be a safe person, someone she could trust and Shaw wasn’t that.

If you’ve ever been in a long term abusive situation you form certain behaviours to protect yourself. When you get out you swear it won’t happen again but triggers are triggers. You want to think you’d fight but those self-protective behaviours are fairly ingrained, it’s instinct to curl in yourself and just endure. Obviously this isn’t going to be true for everyone but it’s my perspective, and my read of this fictional character. Now there wasn’t much to go on at all in season three but enough for speculation, and perhaps yeah a lot of projecting. Seven is so strong and so for her to simply accept it. I couldn’t help but go “oh. Conditioning from Bjayzl” and that was my point.

And in the spirit of attempting to avoid miscommunication. As I felt you missed my point I would like to address my understanding of yours. I wasn’t arguing at all that the writers shouldn’t have written that Shaw did what he did. In fact I was going deep with it, finding meaning and connections, and yeah all the shades of grey and varying levels because life is messy. We all have our own perspectives based on life experiences/beliefs and that is true for characters as well. I would agree with you that’s the interesting part. I wouldn’t remove this plot element even if I could. I’m just exploring the consequences of it.

I don’t know if I can make it work on any kind of timeline but I suddenly have a mighty need for B’elanna and Kira Nerys to be friends somehow.

Both rebels, freedom fighters.

Been thinking about the Marquis. There’s a song (War – Poets of the Fall) which has resonated with different blorbos over the years. It has in the past made me think of James, Helen and the Five in the Great War. But I heard it last night and just suddenly had a real clear picture of the Marquis hiding in some caves, huddled around a fire on a desolate planet. One person starts singing and then over time, with each repeating chorus, the others start joining in. Kind of like a warm light in the darkness, a moment of solidarity to affirm their bonds.

When I thought that I fought this war alone

You were there by my side on the frontline

And we fought to believe the impossible

When I thought that I fought this war alone

We were one with our destinies entwined

When I thought that I fought without a cause

You gave me the reason why

Cos I only need your name to call the reasons why I fought

#deep in my feels today

trillscienceofficer:

I literally live in fear that Paramount will find the flimsiest reason to shove Seven back into the closet and knowing that a not insignificant part of this webbed site ships Seven/Shaw is making me lose all of my remaining marbles

#everytime I see their names together it makes me feel physically sick#like I do have a couple of NoTPs but now I have whatever this is#I am usually very ship and let ship but this bothers the hell out of me#it is so viscerally wrong that yes I am with you on having extreme anxiety about it#so wrong so so wrong#I just how? why? it makes no sense#people really will ship any woman with a man she stands next to I guess#excuse me while I puke#hate it hate it hate it#picard fuckery#live in fear indeed#please season 3 was bad enough I can’t take anymore

Ok so it’s a day ending in Y and so I am thinking about Star Trek.

What keeps echoing in my head right now is the “all men are born equal but some are more equal than others.”

I’m newly pissed because at its core Trek is that frustrating, maddening dichotomy of hope for the future vs. the reality and inability to really break away or imagine something truly different.

The thought of a post-scarcity sort of utopia especially given the current political hellscape is such a comfort. The future can be better if we let it.

Where the maddening dichotomy comes in is something that has always threaded through Trek. In that people are people, they are imperfect and so while they always try, they sometimes fail. But the characters we root for, they are ultimately supposed to be the good guys. The Federation might make a misstep, but our hero, is supposed to call them on it or wryly accept the hypocrisy and that they still have work to do, or something along that lines. That doesn’t always happen obviously because people are writing the show, and those people have biases and prejudices and those blinkers come through. There have been some damn uncomfortable Trek episodes that went wide of the mark.

I’m rambling and I’m not sure I’m making my point. Narrative framing. Once Upon a Time was absolutely awful for this. The objective facts of the events said one thing like a certain character was a bad guy, but the writers made the characters say what a hero he was. Evidence didn’t match. There was a real dissonance. It made for bizarre viewing.

Picard has the same kind of shit going on. Jack Crusher got upset, and threw one hell of a tantrum. Hours went by in which he stole a shuttle and of his own free will went to the Borg cube. Yes he was then assimilated, and yes I would usually argue that the assimilated are the Borgs first victims and are not responsible for what they do as drones. They aren’t in control of their own actions. Except Jack broke his own link to the collective so how deeply assimilated was he? Seems like a lot of free choice here. And his “fire fire fire, kill the unassimilated” killed a lot of people. They aren’t specific how many but with 50 ships, and space dock, and planetary defense etc. I’m thinking a few hundred bare minimum, probably more like a few thousand.

What happened next? Was there any justice? No. Daddy is a human Admiral. So fast-tracked through StarFleet, assigned to the Flagship as a special officer.

Brings back an old sore point of Picard and his legacy vineyard estate. The events of Romulus happened, Picard was on the right side of history in terms of wanting to help the Romulans but when he failed to convince StarFleet he just fucked off to his large country estate, and what was sad? 15 years, nice comfortable life, staff to take care of everything. Raffi had a small broken down trailer in the desert. Maybe that was partly her choice, maybe she could have had an apartment in the city or whatever, but not everyone can have huge legacy country estates.

So much privilege and yeah that’s the unfortunate nature of reality. But it makes me so damn frustrated. The Federation is an ideal, principles and hope, and the best of Trek shows how they try but people are flawed, so they make their best effort. Power corrupts and institutions can be rotten but our heroes are supposed to be better. To try.

The changelings might have infiltrated StarFleet but they wouldn’t have replaced all the top brass. Some but not all. Which even if I am generous and say the changelings suggested some things, the rest of them agreed. It’s like The Winter Soldier where Hydra won because Shield sleep walked down the road to trading freedom for security. Our heroes are supposed to call that out but Picard at least is leveraging his position of privilege and benefiting from it. If the narrative framed that as a mistake, I would find it compelling, but that’s not what’s happening, and it feels bad.

I’m all for the struggle that Trek embodies of reality vs dreams of something better but the narrative needs to frame it that way. And it’s not.

colubrina:

colubrina:

for the love of god, write all the self-indulgent scenes you want.  be utterly  shameless about including every last fantasy.  i know everyone likes to share quotes and quips about how miserably hard writing is, but please please try thinking of it as a joyful act where you get to be a messy human who makes art rather than some pain filled quest for icy perfection.

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“authenticity looks an awful lot like self-indulgence but it is the only way to find your true audience”

(via lonely-night)

#I like this sentiment very much#I wish it were true but I still feel very lonely and very invisible a lot of the time#screaming into the void#but yes please do create from the heart create with joy and love#you can’t control other people and how they will feel and whether they will let you know if they have even seen it#create for an audience of one and please yourself and you will at least have that

There is a line between being salty and focusing more on the negative than the positive.

I will try hard not to cross it.

I’m just exorcising some bitterness because damn.

When it stops being… well fun isn’t exactly the right word. But when it stops I will stop.

Until then I am riding the salt train. Choo, choo.