Why did I choose to do such a big background? My skills are not good enough for this /cries.

Every time I attempt a drawing I despair. I guess it’s part of the process but man it sucks.

I know it’s the 20th. Trust me I know. I’ve been panicking about how far we’re into the month for days now. But it’s ok because I finally started on January’s drawing… (it’s really not ok)

OMG I know I say this everytime but this is literally the worst thing ever. I sort of have a pose in mind but I can’t get it right. I went looking for more references and hopefully I can sort it out.

Seriously I’ve been thinking since practically day three of the month that I should be getting on with this if I want to finish it this month and now there’s 10 days left! Yeah I really should have left myself some more time /cries.

I even went and took selfies of myself in the kind of pose I was thinking of (and I loathe pictures of myself so much) as an initial reference as I thought that would be more accurate. However, there is only one of me and this is a pose that is heavy on the embrace. So that trick which I used to help me with the hand positioning on December’s drawing wasn’t so helpful in this case.

I just want to produce the picture in my head. Why is that so hard?

I was feeling very bummed about my drawing. Everytime I looked at it I could just see everything that was wrong with it and I thought it was the most shit thing EVER. I decided that today had to be the last day I fiddled with it as I want to post on Tuesday and I have plans tomorrow.

Well I called it done and was feeling as I said bummed … and then I moved the folder into my drawing folder. I decided to organise the folder a bit better and oh merlin. I’m actually embarrassed I shared some of those older drawings on the internet – I subjected you guys to them and they are BAAAAD.

This drawing that was bumming me out? Mega leap forward in comparison. Like yeah it still sucks but it doesn’t suck anywhere near as bad as those older ones!

I guess we always only see how far we still have to go.

I had to pick out clothes for John and James to wear to the club in my fic. Now John was easy, I went with what he wore for a hot minute after he got out of the infirmary in Hollow Men I think it was.

For James I had to resort to google for ideas. I picked out a ‘casual suit’ for him and now I have this urge to draw him wearing it. But seriously self I haven’t finished my last drawing yet (it always takes me a ridiculously long time).

Maybe I will though. Could be January’s project.

Tried to start the christmas drawing today and sweet merlin could I have picked a more complicated pose?

It’s not going well.

Kinda want to quit already 🙁

I just have the image in my head and that’s what I want but it’s not what’s coming out on paper (it looks so bad).

Usually I make up a reference in Poser but I think I’ve forgotten how to use it again, or it’s had an update – or both. Either way I gave up really quickly with it. So instead I went old school and pulled my wooden mannequin out. Trouble is a) I only have one and this is a three-person scene and b) the proportions are kinda weird and c) doesn’t rotate at the hips how people do.

I’m now crawling google to see if I can find some kind of photo reference to at least help me out a bit. This is whole new territory for me to be honest as usually I only work with very specific references. If I don’t have something I can basically copy then not happening, so this trying to draw from instinct I guess, is new.

Ehhh I’ll try again tomorrow. I guess I have my daily quota of frustration and I’ve reached it.

So that drawing I said I would do this month

For my one drawing a month goal

Yeah I know it’s only January but oops

I’ll do two at some point to make up for it

I’ve been thinking what to do for January’s drawing. I decided that I need more of a narrative to give energy to the piece.

The thought I have at the moment is Secret Service Agent Myka Bering comes across Warehouse Agent HG Wells bagging an artifact of some description.

Either that or Warehouse Agents Bering and Wells bagging an artifact together before something bad happens. I’m thinking Myka is yelling at HG to goo it while she’s holding back conjured bad guys.

I was wanting to do a Star Wars one but I haven’t thought of a premise for that yet. Still pondering options and of course there’s always the rest of the year!

I’m always very confused when I read drawing advice. In one breath it says “draw what you love! Have fun, bring the passion!” and in the next it says “don’t do a passion project to start” so which is it?

I mean I can see arguments for both. Doing what you love helps keep you going because you love it but also it is hard to let go, easier to be perfectionist and any criticism will go to heart more as care more.

So I don’t know.

My want does exceed my ability by a huge margin but how will I ever close the gap if I never start? This dilemma is a big part of why I haven’t started as I don’t know what to commit to doing.