Spent the bulk of the day on uni work, doing all the prep for my Reading Texts module on Monday. I was determined to do some writing though because *drum roll* yup it’s that 4thewords thing. There’s a streak element – 444 words a day – and I want to do it!

Having blown a few cobwebs away with fanfic yesterday I decided to dust off my original novel that has been lingering for two years. I finished off a scene that had been laying unfinished since the beginning of the year but didn’t do anything else. It was painful and it took me an hour to get started because with every fiber of my being I wanted to run away.

It’s a WIP, it’s a third in a series, I’m very invested in it and consequently I’m utterly choked by fear. Pulling teeth is an understatement. I kept repeating like a litany to myself that it’s a first draft, that I just have to finish it so I have a complete draft to work with for revision – that this isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning. It’s still damn hard though. There’s so much baggage with this book; so much hope, so much failure, so much need.

Rather than make my catchup total lower, I’ve increased it by failing to reach the daily target but /shrug some days are like that. I wrote something, I broke the ice, and I’m plodding along. There’s a quote pinned to my wall which I think is appropriate here:

“Measure your worth by the dedication to your path, not by your successes or failures.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

I really want my 50k because I’ve been doing this NaNo thing a decade and somewhere along the way my sense of identity got wrapped up in it. It’s important to me but at the end of the day it’s the stories which matter most. I might not get them written as fast as I’d like, and I may never be satisfied with the end result, but I will still get them done.

This isn’t a joyride. It’s the rest of my life. I’m in this writing business for the long haul, wherever the journey takes me.

Words written: 736
Total count: 5,841