Like a really bad fanfic

Spoilers for 6.07 – Heartless

General comments
That opening scene was incredible. The evil queen was amazing. One hell of a monologue. Remembering all those lines must be tough. I do have to ask though, how did the evil queen transport Snow from her bed if there was a protection spell? I mean I suppose it wasn’t harming her as such, and maybe the spell would stop the Evil Queen from transporting her over a cliff. Still, it seemed a bit odd to me.

Alright, I throw up my hands a little bit. I try and stay positive but I just need to vent for a moment. I do seriously love this show, but this episode was like a really badly written fanfic. I’m sorry for saying that but seriously, there was so much that was dodgy. There were the sort of inconsistencies that only bother me like shouldn’t David have had bad shepherd hair? Then there were other more serious questions like what the hell was Blue doing just buzzing around him and then picking up the axe? Doesn’t she have magic?

The flashback itself made no sense to me. It was nice to see David’s mother again, but an accidental unknown meeting? That is just too big a coincidence, and I hate those. I also wasn’t best pleased that they referenced the time travelling shenanigans. I’m a sci-fi fan and time travel happens, but there are only two kinds of time travel which make sense. A closed loop, where the person goes back because they always did (therefore nothing in the past changes, as they were always there and did those things, they just didn’t know it yet) or an open loop which causes a split in the timeline and creates a new reality.

Given Emma and Hook changed things, they should have caused a split and created a new reality. Which meant when they returned to the future, either they should have returned to their reality and nothing would have changed there, or they should have gone to the changed reality and there would have been two of them. I did kinda headcanon that because it was only a minor change, the two versions of them kinda merged. So there should be two versions of them, but magic fixed it. However, I just hate that whole storyline, and generally prefer to try and pretend it didn’t exist.

Anyway, the Snowing montage was sweet. They deserve their time in the sun. However, their accidental meeting creating that sapling, which is this weeks mcguffin, which had never been mentioned before and again is just all so convenient. Iron bars and fairy dust/magic imprisoned Rumple, why wouldn’t that hold the evil queen? Why do they keep having to reinvent the wheel?

I suppose Blue is useless, so they can’t say to the fairies to magic something, because it doesn’t seem like they can anymore – not in Storybrooke or in Enchanted Forest flashbacks apparently. It seems all Blue does is sadly shake her head and say she can’t help. So shady.

You know while I’m on a roll complaining. I wish that they could make their visual effects a little more consistent. It looked like there’s darkness swirling in those hearts and while I don’t disagree, surely the show would have addressed it if that was intentional. Anyway, at least the Evil Queen was consistent in her motives – “Pain of being alone.” – although I don’t get why she is going after Snow. Surely she has more recent enemies that took Robin from her?

Back to the complaining. I thought a sleeping curse was one time only? Which is why sleeping spells didn’t work on Snow, David or Henry in 4B. They had all been under sleeping curses before. Plus shifting sleeping curses? Seriously? So what can they take it in turns? A bit like sharing a body. I’ll be awake today, you can be awake tomorrow. How does that even work? Anyway, it’s an easy fix,they just need a true loves kiss from someone else – like maybe Emma? After all parents and child works as Emma true love kissed Henry. I know Emma and Snow/David are all adults but it could work. They should try it.

Also I want to know, why is it sometimes they can grab things magically to steal them, and then other times they can’t? I know the answer of course – it has to suit the plot, but there really should be a better reason than that. It’s the same with magical transport. Why didn’t Emma transport them to the woods? Seriously Regina was poofing them everywhere earlier. Although I did like the callback on the glass coffin, that was a nice replica of the season one prop, if they didn’t keep it in storage and use it again.

Rumple and People
Ugh the innuendos in that Evil Queen and Zelena conversation. I was kinda prepared, as even though I tried to avoid tumblr, I sort of guessed from a couple of things I accidentally saw that there was going to be more SplitQueen/Rumple, and so I guess this scene was foreshadowing. Sort of like a ‘prepare yourself’.

Anyway, I have a very important question. Why did they immediately leap to Rumple having given the Evil Queen the water? Regina knows Zelena is working with her, and Zelena was close with Hades who liked using the water on people. Isn’t it also a valid theory that Hades brought the water and it fell into Zelena’s possession when he died? Why automatically jump to “it’s Rumple’s fault?”

“I’m not, he’s not acting like the man he could be.” – where is the evidence? I’m serious, they are all just jumping to conclusions. Now I’m not saying they are wrong, but that doesn’t make it right. I reckon this is probably part of the reason why he doesn’t bother going straight, if he is always going to have to do the time, then he might as well do the crime.

Oh sweet merlin again with this forced march plotting. I am so sorry for not being as positive as normal but wow the writing this week just makes me want to bang my head against the wall. “Rumple and I … there was always a certain amount of chemistry.” – no that is code word for we want you to know about their “relationship” and we couldn’t think of another way for you to find out except by miraculous knowing. I do love all the disgusted glances though. First time I’ve agreed with Hook. Henry just closed his eyes like “please I did not need that mental image of my mom and my grandpa” which is quite frankly fair enough.

Zelena’s jealousy was predictable. She’s always had a thing for Rumple, back in the Enchanted Forest for a time he was what she loved most, which was why she couldn’t cast the dark curse for him. I liked to see her going green again, even though I don’t quite understand why that isn’t a thing in Storybrooke, if it can happen a bit then surely it could happen a lot?

Ok I can’t exactly say Rumple just let the Evil Queen kiss him this time, while he stood still like a statue, he was definitely into that. However, I still stand by what I said last week. This is a man self destructing and more on that in the next section.

I used one of Belle’s quotes earlier, about the jumping to conclusions over Rumple’s actions. She is definitely very guilty of that, but I suppose she is done defending him. However, at least Belle said “I don’t care about the deals my husband makes” – if nothing else she is still referring to him as her husband. She also certainly didn’t care for Zelena’s insinuations, that was a fairly disgusted expression.

You know the difference between when Rumple sees anyone else, and when he sees Belle is like night and day. He still lights up when he sees Belle. When she confronts him about the Evil Queen, he immediately told her that it meant nothing. I wonder whether he was hoping she would get angry, as proof she still cared. However, instead he got another blow “I don’t care about what you do right now or with whom you do it.”

Now I suppose that was Belle protecting herself. She said that she needed to protect her heart, and showing Rumple that he still has the capability to hurt her, would certainly be something she’d want to avoid. It’s instinctive, you don’t show weakness – once bitten, twice shy etc. So she could just be lying to Rumple, or maybe she’s also lying to herself. Perhaps she wants not to care but really still does. I suppose there is always the possibility that she really doesn’t care but as I’m holding out for a Rumbelle happy ending, I’m not prepared to accept that.

Rumple saying “The things I do are driven by the love of my son.” was very interesting. He didn’t deny Belle’s accusation about the shears but crucially he didn’t try and convince her either. Perhaps because his true plan is something else and so letting her believe this means she is less likely to stop him. That was certainly a heartfelt statement anyway, everything he has ever done really has been for the people he loves.

Then it all went very wrong. Belle said that it was “an excuse” but it really isn’t, it’s the truth. I just don’t understand because how can Belle call it an excuse in one breath, and then say he feels love and isn’t pure evil in the next? Surely the two are mutually exclusive? Unless she thinks he is capable of love, but he isn’t acting because of that love? I suppose she would think that because she doesn’t approve of his actions. Also, well there was the later bit where it got even worse.

“You want your sons love, don’t take it. Be worthy of it.” – “and what if I fail?” – that is likely his biggest fear. After all it was letting Neal down which led to him losing him. Neal eventually forgave him but only to die and that proved to Rumple that no matter what he did – “intentions are meaningless” because it was always lose/lose. Everybody leaves him and he can’t take it anymore.

He can’t lose another child, especially because of himself so I think he could be self sabotaging now, so he’s never put in the position of maybe failing. After all maybe subconsciously he thinks if he screws up so badly now, then Belle will keep him from their child, and then he’ll never be in a position to hurt them. He could never abandon a child, but if the choice is taken from him? Well that wouldn’t be his fault would it?

Then the last bit and I really don’t know what to say. I actually screamed at the TV “Oh no you didn’t?” because it was a bit like that. Belle didn’t just taunt him for being afraid … but she did! I am suitably horrified. Seriously I am, “Too weak to be good” oh Belle, no please no, is basically my reaction.

Rumple looks destroyed and I don’t blame him. What has Rumple always lashed himself the most over? Being a coward. That was the insult of choice for everyone. He believes it, even when he is brave. In some cases it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it’s also very unfair and untrue. There are so many circumstances when he wasn’t a coward, he just exercised common sense.

However, “Afraid of failing. That’s worse than being evil” – what kind of message is that? Perhaps I’m taking it personally because fear of failure dominates my life, so I guess if that is worse than being evil, somebody better lock me up quickly. Honestly, I could not believe my ears. I like Belle but that was bad, that was really bad. I’m hoping that Belle was just lashing out in pain, which isn’t nice but is forgivable because while I know she has this ‘dream of being a hero’, if she genuinely believes what she said then … oh man I don’t even know.

I know that Belle has this thing about courage – “do the brave thing and bravery will follow.” She finds it easy to be brave, and I think she lashes herself for any perceived cowardice quite harshly as well. She has this standard she wants to live up to, perhaps to honor her mothers bravery but it’s not realistic. You know she used to have more empathy than this, and not try and hold everyone to some impossible standard.

Anyway, it ends with Rumple wanting revenge on Zelena again, a convenient outlet for his pain. I don’t imagine he’ll be allowed to do anything to her, and he’ll probably be judged harshly for whatever he tries to do. The poor bloke just can’t win.

Not very positive this week I’m sorry. I tried, and I kinda want to write a fix-it fic because if any episode needed one, it was this episode. I literally couldn’t believe me ears, I’m kinda in shock. I have always supported Rumple and Belle equally in terms of their relationship, I think they both screwed up – it takes two. However, that end scene … that was really bad this episode. It’s the writing, it’s not Belle. Same as the writing has destroyed the Emma I used to love.

I still love Rumbelle, and I have faith that it will get fixed. They are Beauty and the Beast, an iconic Disney couple, so they can’t destroy them utterly like OutlawQueen, and there’s the movie coming up and they will want to cash it on that. Maybe my theory about Rumple being the hero in the mid-season finale isn’t quite so far-fetched.