I got an ask! Yay 🙂 Sorry it’s been ages on account of how I’ve not produced anything in forever. Thank you so much anon 🙂

Do I have a fic I look back at and cringe?

Seriously I could fall over laughing because like oh man SO MANY!

In the interests of my self-esteem I’ll only look through my current masterlist. There are some fics in my past that are just beyond the pale (I know I was 11 but what was I thinking??)

As always I’ve gone on a bit *eyeroll*

The List:

• Pretty much all my smutty fics. I wanted to add “smut writing” as a tool for my writers toolkit. It also feels like the rumbelle fandom loves their smut and I wanted to join in and be part of the “cool kids club” but I have buyers remorse on that decision tbh. It would probably be easier to list the ones I think are ok-ish, but that might get confusing. So cringe ones:
  • All We Are
  • Story as old as video
  • Hands all over (this also killed my desire to finish the actual WIP as its a future fic – seriously what was I thinking?)
  • The smut in Brighter Days (I rather enjoyed pointing out Young’s deficiencies though)
  • Highway to Hell
  • The Quest (at least this finished me as a smut writer so I’m grateful for that)
  • More than a feeling
  • Trouble Sleeping
  • Last Friday Night
  • This Afternoon
  • Once Upon a Lifetime
  • Sweet Masquerade
  • The smut in The Auction
  • Happy Anniversary
• Swim to the Stars. (Sweet and fluffy? Yes. In character? Not so much imo)
• Learning Curve.
• Broken Apart (just badly written imo)

I probably should cringe at Wizard Love or Never Let the Pirate Babysit Alone but I rather enjoy the silliness. There is nothing wrong sometimes with just having a laugh.

Also (because I can never leave anything alone) the smut fics I accept on my masterlist without cringing are: Fall All Over Again, What Makes You Different, To Be Loved and The Beauty and the Tragedy because I feel like the smut adds something, rather than it just being ‘smut’ with no actual story or an unnecessary addition.

Ultimately however while I cringe and wish I had a back button so I could make it like it never happened – I learned something.

I learned what matters to me as a writer and what drives me to put pen to paper. I learned that I really should learn to just say no. The number of fics I’ve written only because I was asked, and the number of fics I’ve never written because they would be self-indulgent… why is that a bad thing? Who am I trying to make happy here. The answer should be me.

That is a thought I’m going to try and hold in my head as I go on. I’ll probably forget and have to relearn the lesson because I feel guilty writing what I want, as opposed to writing what I think others will like. I’m going to try though because those stories that burn in my veins, the ones I ignore to try and please others – those are mine and nobody else will tell them.

/steps off soapbox