So I did the ‘year in review’ and then forgot to come back and set out my goals. That doesn’t mean I forgot to set out my goals (I set up my progress thread on WriYe) but it’s helpful to record them here. I often add extra context (aka rambles) and that’s helpful when it comes to write the year in review – not that I want to think about the end of the year!! Honestly years disappear far faster than I am comfortable with already.
In my ‘year in review’ post I said I would come back to two topics:
– Readers
– A side project
I’m not going to address these directly but I haven’t forgotten and they will be included in this post.
So what do I want in 2025?
Let’s talk mindset for a moment
I very nearly called my WriYe progress thread this year “Quantum Leap” because I feel like this is a key year (I also felt that was tempting fate, so went with ‘Wait for It’ instead). It really does feel like I’m at the precipice. I’m either going to fall and smash, or I’m going to fly.
Back in 2016 I attempted publication. I’m mortified to be honest reading back what I dared put out there. How did I ever think that was good enough? This has only enhanced my paranoia. Plus I thought I had done a good job on my book, and then the beta feedback was a surprise (and once I’d digested it totally correct). I’m still waiting to discover if I have corrected it and done a good job this time and the anxiety is real. Will I ever be good enough? How do I summon the ego to decide that yes, this story is worth somebody paying money? Sure I have read some terrible books (even supposed bestsellers!) but just because others have done it, and even done well, doesn’t mean I want to be shitty – I want to be competent. Feeling competent and ‘good enough’ is something I put on my “dream goal”. I don’t fantasise about being rich/famous, I want inner peace/contentment.
Complicating all of this is that I am disabled. I’ve been ruled ‘not able to work’ which is true and I’m sadly dependant on government benefits. I hate it and would love to contribute to society instead. It’s all very tangled in my head, you know? I don’t want riches, I just want enough to pay my bills, and I see publishing as basically my only choice. I can do the writing (but I fear it’ll never be good enough). Then there’s the marketing and I don’t know if I can do that at all. So maybe it’s not a viable choice, maybe there is no career I can do with my limited ability to function. The obvious rebuttal is “you won’t know unless you try” and the complication is I’m not sure it’s legal due to the aforementioned benefits. I have my carer looking into that for me. I don’t want to do anything that would get me into trouble. I just wish I could build a life for myself that I can cope with, as impossible as that feels a lot of the time.
What does that mean for ‘readers’?
That was a long aside but it’s important for context. I can’t just declare that my goal this year is publication because a) I don’t know if I will be ready with the books, b) I’m afraid and avoidance is my preferred strategy (hey at least I’m honest), and c) I don’t know if it’s legally permitted.
BUT I’m attempting to shape my year with the assumption that publication is in my future.
Book One is due back from the editor any day now (where I will find out if I did a good job this time). I can then start on Book Two. Why am I not working on Book Two right now? I covered that in my ‘year in review’. Basically I’m too linear and my brain rebels hence the need for a side project.
I don’t want to press publish until I know how long it will take me to get a Book through the entire process. I can only publish as fast as I can produce. Also having had a couple of failed publishing attempts back in 2016, I feel like I have a couple of books ready ‘in the bag’ I have some security. I do have bad days – bad months even – and I want a decent buffer to protect myself. If I do go for publication, I can’t fail again. I couldn’t bear it.
When I finished Book One and sent it off to the editor for the first time last April, I was feeling very positive. Based on that schedule I was thinking I would be working on Book Three by the end of the year. I pencilled in publishing April 2025 – that’s not going to be happening. I only have an aborted start on Book Two right now. If this year goes better I can see maybe publishing towards the end of the year but it will depend. I think if it is legal for me to try, it would be good for my sense of accomplishment to publish. Letting another year go by without a tangible step forward is a terrible feeling.
Let’s talk side project?
My main series is beefy. Book One is 125k – that’s long. I was looking at how long it took me, and once I cut out the months I wasted due to bad times, or waiting for the editor, and the number of logged hours etc. I think it was probably 3-4 months of actual work. Call it 4 months and that means, theoretically in terms of work time, I could write 3 books of that size per year. That’s a) optimistic I know, and b) not all books need to be that long.
BUT due to aforementioned linear issues, and the fact that those four months aren’t going to be grouped together as that’s MY work time – not counting for when the book is with the editor. I think a more optimistic turnaround for the complete book is probably 6 months IF I’m perfect with my scheduling so the second I’m done, the editor is working on it, and I’m not waiting for my slot.
Anyway, my idea is that if I can work on my main series, then I will, and when the book is with the editor I will work on the side project. That does mean the side project will get picked up / dropped often, which is a slight concern, so only time will tell if this is a good idea or not but I’m going to try it. I feel like I do better if I have a constant focus. It’s the waiting that kills me.
Switching hats – Art
Another real focus of mine is I want to be good at art. It all comes back to storytelling. I basically want to be able to illustrate (I have a pipedream of making my own graphic novel one day). I definitely don’t feel good enough to do anything right now, and a big part of that is I’m not consistent. I need to practice more, do actual studies etc. (and yes this is a common refrain in my goals/review posts, I have known this for years and not done it).
If I want to illustrate my own covers, then I am fast running out of time to improve so I can do that. It’s do or die time. So this is going to be a secondary major focus for me this year.
It would probably help if I chose a medium and stuck with it but I very much have a “this will fix me” deep desire when it comes to art supplies. Naturally it doesn’t fix me, and what I’m really doing is buying hope, because that’s what I need. Maybe this is what will make the difference, maybe this will get me there. I see art and wish that I could make it, and boom I’m down a rabbit hole of paints, or markers, or paper, or brushes, or whatever it is that was used. There’s a meme I have seen that says art is two hobbies – one is doing art, and one is collecting supplies – and as much as I hate to admit it, I have been guilty of the latter way too much.
I really hope this will be the year I double down and actually improve, but as I’m writing this post rather than working on the composition of an art piece I want to paint this month… yeah, I’m a work in progress.
Be specific will you
This probably seems a bit all vague. Where are the numbers? The definitive statements of what has to be done? What can I track? After all, I need some kind of metric to judge next December whether I achieved these goals or not.
Last year I set that I wanted one ready to publish novel, and one complete sketchbook. I was close on the first, and laughably far on the latter.
This year I think I will say:
– Book Two and Book Three ready to publish
– Book One of side project ready to publish
– 1 complete sketchbook
– Successful completion of a project of 12 paintings (to have printed into a calendar)
There are more things. I made a ‘roadmap’ of sorts in my WriYe thread. There are publishing tasks, like taking the Publish & Thrive course, doing tasks like making a website/newsletter etc. For art I want to learn map illustration, and intently practice figure drawing which means head construction, dynamic poses etc. That’s the problem with goals in some ways, because a lot of things build on other things. A goal like publishing is lots of projects, which each contain a lot of tasks.
I said in my review post that I was sick of saying “this is a rebuilding year” because it felt like I said that every year. I also said that I felt 2024 was perhaps my first successful rebuilding year. As much as I feel like 2025 is sink or swim time, it’s still quite a lot of setting up the foundation. Perhaps if 2024 was my rebuilding year, I should call 2025 the foundational year. Maybe I will ‘graduate’ and fly before the end of the year, or maybe that will be an early 2026 job, or maybe I will just fall.
Only time will tell.