August’s WriYe blog topic is well-timed because I’m really struggling right now.

I have never liked questioning motivation when I’m not doing things. I get upset and say “it’s not that I don’t want to because I really do!!!” as to me motivation means desire and actually that’s not exactly right.

Motivation isn’t bribery either. That’s another thing. It’s saying “I have to do X and if I do it, then I can have a little treat”. It’s not punishment – “I have to do X and if I don’t do it, then Y bad thing happens”. These are external pressures that can aid motivation but it’s not motivation itself.

Once upon a time I think I would have talked about “pulling the rabbit out of the hat” here. Because I used to push it sometimes, and then that external ‘motivation’ pressure meant I then got the task done – until I didn’t. Until that pressure wasn’t enough, and I failed. The thing did not get done and I had to face the consequences (punishment). This is why I don’t think bribery/punishment is much of a factor for motivation. It can be like the ‘cherry on top’ but the task was likely to happen anyway. It’s like the 5%, maybe occasionally it tips the scale and makes a difference but isn’t a big thing.

So what am I saying?

I think this might be a neuro-divergent vs neuro-typical thing. If someone has good mental health then they aren’t fighting a war before they even approach the task.

Perhaps it’s the gamer in me but for years I have considered that I have something akin to an energy bar. At the start of the day is when it’s as full as it’s getting that day. Depression and the demons screaming at the back of the mind, anxiety, panic attacks, sensory overload etc. all of these things drain that energy bar. Not sleeping well, that’s another one. All of these things mean that energy bar might not start the day on 100%, it might only start on 40% and big tasks, just starting them might take more than what is available.

That’s another point – starting a task, is often one of the hardest parts. The “activation” and marshalling the brain to be like ‘yes, time to focus’ is tough. It requires a lot.

And to go back to what I said at the start of when I consider motivation and I get upset at the accusation that I “don’t want to do the thing” because I really do!! Well it is possible for two things to be true at once. I really want to get better at art. I really want to write my book. It makes me sad and angry and frustrated when I don’t do these things. However, I am looking at my sketchbook on the table in front of me as I type this post and I don’t want to sit down and draw right now. Correction, it’s not that I don’t like the idea, it’s more that it seems too much. It’s overwhelming, I don’t have the mental strength/stamina. It’s not something I can face.

So motivation – myth or muse?

I’m not exactly sure what the question means by ‘muse’ but I’m basically answering it like “motivation, does it exist?” and I think my answer is that it depends, and also that sometimes it’s a bit out of a persons control.

We all have lives that sap our energy and our time. I’m always so amazed, in awe really, of people that work full time, have families/friends and still manage to do creative projects. If I have to go to any kind of appointment (even just an hour) then that often ruins my day. I’m just too exhausted and I can’t cope with anything else.

I guess what I’m saying is that for both normal people, and for people with issues, it’s a similar fight to do things – a battle against inertia. To look at the to do list, and to get off the couch and get started. It is easier for everyone to give in, to just not do it. I feel like maybe for people who are mentally healthy, the external pressures (bribery/punishment) may be more effective at tipping the scales. But even still I suspect that however good the reward/bad the consequences there will be times for them when it’s just “brain said no”.

We all make choices and I often rail against myself because I should ‘make better ones’ but it’s not always that easy. Maybe I’m making excuses but I do feel like I can’t just decide to do things and follow through, that depression/anxiety/fatigue etc. acts as a barrier. It is night and day. I often don’t realise how bad I am feeling until I feel better and then suddenly I can do things again.

So yeah TLDR: it’s about possibilities. If a persons mental/physical state means that a task is doable, then yes motivation exists. They can choose to do it, and external pressures can help them. However, if the mental/physical state is such that a task isn’t going to happen no matter the bribe or the consequences, then I don’t think we can really say that’s a lack of motivation. I mean that’s like saying somebody with a broken leg isn’t motivated to walk. Perhaps we should use the term capability, rather than motivation, instead.