You know what, I get no asks so I ask myself because why not? If I feel like doing something then just do it. Fun can be had. There are no limits. This is my tumblr and I can ramble as I please haha.
So there were 25 questions and I’m just going to see what I feel like rambling about because I do just feel like rambling this evening. I’m having thinky thoughts about fandom because I miss it. I’m in one of those “fuck it, there’s no point” kind of moods. I made plans for the year and I am doubting myself. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I have the skills or the spoons. I wasn’t good at fandom shit either but hey I had the excuse that it was just for fun, so it didn’t matter. I mean it mattered, and it ate at me that I was never as good as I wanted, but it didn’t mean doom.
Thinky thoughts!
1) Favourite characters this year
Breanna Casey – Leverage: Redemption. Now I love Leverage and I do love Redemption but the vibe is off. I can’t put my finger on why but it’s not quite right. I have speculated that it feels like the whole show is a bit exaggerated, like everything is cranked to eleven. However, Breanna is a delight. She is smart and sarcastic, a total nerd, I’m more Parker’s generation than hers but I feel like she represents my viewpoint on the state of the world. Also she’s gay and might be asexual (hello laptop sticker) and so that’s even more like me.
Erica Ortegas – Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. The moment I saw this character I thought I would like them. I love their haircut and their humour and they are badass and there is just never enough of them. I thought my favourite character would be Number One but might be a tie. For all that Ortegas has a criminal lack of screentime, they steal every single scene with awesomeness. Also this show is the prettiest show in the world. It looks incredible on my TV.
2) Favorite ships this year
Like LOTS obviously because I am a multi-fandom obsessive but Trek and Seven and Raffi were a surprising addition. I wasn’t expecting it and then bam, they have taken over my brain and hello I didn’t need a new fixation but yes just think about nothing else ok? Fun fact! I actually made this gif ^^ because Saffi Prompts is something I helped organise (it’s on hiatus atm) and I also put together the Saffi Bingo which didn’t see really any traction at all (I sent out cards but I think I saw one fill and that’s it). But hey I was all in with these guys.
What makes me so freaking sad is my list of projects for them is HUGE. Like so many drawings and I started writing fic. I have partly plotted a huge season long novel-length rewrite starting at the end of season one, and going beyond season two. I LOVE that idea so much and now I have quit fanfic it is never going to exist. It built on what season one gave us with Soji and the Romulans. Maaaaybe I might have drawn a little teeny tiny bit on Stargate but c’mon replicators and Ancients and it’s too damn easy and too much fun.
Oh! Oh! And let’s not forget my Raffi on Voyager. I had a crapton of notes and that was just for Seven’s first season. To be fair the fic started life as just an image of them kissing in a Jeffries tube and then I gave it plot. I had thoughts and feelings and sometimes I think too deeply about certain episodes and get mad and this is how fanfic happens. Like I’m not even sorry.
I’m not sure how many thousands of words will never see the light of day. Maybe if my drawing skills improve enough I can do one of the dozen drawings I have on my list for them. At least I am still doing fandom art.
3) Favorite TV shows to watch this year
I really want to say Picard but honestly the version in my head is better. Probably shouldn’t say that but honestly it was criminal what season two did to Elnor and Soji and just generally. It threw out amazing stuff from season one to focus on an “out of nowhere” storyline about Picard’s mum which just ugh.
Honestly the show I have probably watched the most faithfully has been the original Leverage. It is my comfort show and I can rewatch it a bazillion times and don’t care.
4) Favorite books read this year
Dragon Gate! Dragon Gate!
Ok I read 42 books last year. I made a real effort. Considering a couple of years ago I probably didn’t even read 1 I have come a long way. Anyway, Lindsay Buroker is who I want to be when I grow up as a writer. Rarely ever before have I read something and just wished so hard that I wrote it. Usually I don’t vibe with stories that way. I can love them to death but always with an element of “but I want to fix you” but her writing style is similar enough to my own but so much more skilled that I am inspired, and motivated (when I’m not having crisis of self-faith that is) because man I want to write like that.
Dragon Gate is what happens if dragons and magic and all the fun of airships meets Stargate. When I tried to do this writing thing back in 2016 I indie published 2 novels in a series that was basically magic meets Stargate as a general description. So if I do say so myself it’s a great premise. My interpretation was very different of course, I mean it started out on Earth and there were aliens but I digress.
Anyway, I’m now reading through as many of Lindsay Buroker’s books as I can. Perhaps I’ll subconsciously learn to write better through eagerly absorbing the words with my eyes. I mean it’s not likely but one can dream.
5) Favorite song, album, or artist to listen to this year
According to iTunes Replay it was Set It Off or Linkin Park or Simple Plan or Panic at the Disco. Although I think my stats got a little warped as I decorated my house this year and my hands got paint on them. So whatever album I set to play in the morning, was repeating all day because I couldn’t touch my phone.
11) Biggest squee moments of the year
You mean people don’t use squee anymore? Sorry I’m a little stuck on the fact that there was an explanation attached to the question. Anyway! I have to go with a late arrival of the announcement of Jedi: Survivor because OMG I want that game so badly.
After playing Fallen Order I must have googled daily for months hoping there would be some kind of confirmation of a sequel. Once that happened I think I stopped my daily googling but I kept waiting for news and now there’s a date!!! (March 17th)
Honestly Fallen Order was the best Star Wars game I have played bar none because the lightsaber combat made sense. Lightsabers are one hit weapons – when they hit – and so having them whittle down a healthbar never felt good. The combat in this game is just epic. The story is great too and the characters (special shout out for BD-1). I can’t wait to play more.
24) Fandom resolutions for next year
Last Question! Honestly I don’t know because I don’t know. Ok no that’s not an answer but look I reblogged that “year of the OTP” thing and I want to do it. I have a Leverage bingo card and I have IDEAS and I want to do that. I have signed up for the Bering and Wells exchange (due February 14th) and the Bering and Wells Big Bang.
I want to do ALL THE THINGS!
But time, and spoons, and other commitments, and spoons (always with the spoons). I can’t do everything and wanting to do things doesn’t magically make them happen. Something has to give, something always does, and so I guess that’s my resolution – to decide NOT to do things, because I actually can’t do them. Which is super fucking sad by the way.
I’m not good enough. I can’t do it all.
Buuuuut I really kinda want to.
It would be so freaking cool to make the projects that live rent free in my head a reality. Perhaps rephrase the resolution to something a little less miserable. Like a suggestion to pace myself, to not over-commit, to think before jumping in with both feet, to not let my single-one-track-obsessive-fixated-mind lead me down an unsustainable path.
And to stick with my resolution to quit fanfic, because burning down all my glorious plans, and opening up those documents again will not serve me longterm. However, much I wish my fanfic ideas could be made reality.