WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS WAS ONLY 90 MINUTES LONG?!

Ahem 😳 sorry I am a terrible audio listener. I have to be stuck in some kind of manual labour before I can even begin to hope to process. I was putting this off as I thought audiobook = 9 hours or so.

I can probably listen to this most Sundays when I do the ironing. I could have listened to this weeks ago 😭

Ok ok I’m gonna go listen now. I am prepared for the feeeeeeels 🥰

By the way that was an exclamation, not a demand. I know it was nobody’s responsibility to tell me. In fact it may have been said somewhere and I just missed it. Mostly I’m just like 👀 HOW did I NOT know that?!?

Do you think that the short length is why there are sooooo many 1 star reviews on audible? Scrolling the page that’s all I could see and yikes.

That’s on brand for Trek though 😦 my eyes popped out when I saw how much the kindle novels were. I guess because they are a big franchise they feel people will still pay it so they can demand more.

OMG there was a quiet moment for like 10 seconds and I thought it was broken. Talk about raising the tension 😂

Ok I have to be honest I took the flailing over NML with a bit of a pinch of salt. I thought I might understand it when I eventually got round to listening (and was so apprehensive about that as I thought it was 9 hours or so), but still I mean this is an official Trek story. I figured it would have some subtext, and I knew there was a kiss! but it had to be mostly business right?

WRONG. Like damn that was basically a recorded fanfic. Everything was constructed to reflect on Seven and Raffi, and their relationship.

My eyes were popping out as my brain was going ??? They are going there? They are actually going *there*? They are really covering this? This is REAL!?!

It had *everything* I think I need to listen again, make notes of the important parts. My head is spinning.

There was a part where Seven said about Raffi not needing anyone and she sounded so surprised, like for real that’s what you think about me? As Raffi is used to being thought of as the clingy one I think? She knows people think she holds on too tight. She drowns when she’s alone, and I think perhaps she exiles/isolates herself as like a punishment, and maybe also because she doesn’t trust herself. She doesn’t want to hurt those she cares for and so she gives them the gift of absence. Which of course isn’t a gift, as Gabe accused her of not being there even when she was there. It’s like damned whatever she does.

Raffi does need people, she possibly thinks she needs them too much. That part is hidden at first because she got used to being alone. It is easier to be alone. Then along comes Seven who has a similar thing going on. Wanting and needing connection but it never being right, never fitting in, so it’s easier not to try. Seven I think convinced herself perhaps as part of reclaiming her individuality that alone was better. Raffi knew it wasn’t and that’s why she’s so damn brave about it and willing to make the first step.

I have feelings.

Also I am living for Raffi introducing herself as “Captain Raffaela Musiker” because co-captains yes. Was she wearing ‘command red’ as part of the ruse? How did putting on a StarFleet uniform feel after all that time? Is that why she felt so settled when she got Picard’s offer and thought “yeah I do want to try StarFleet again”? What did Seven think when she saw Raffi in the uniform?

There are 2 types of Captains. Picard who lets Riker do most of the away missions, as Captains give the orders/head the bridge OR Kirk who jumps into every away mission with a big MINE as he’s probably scared he’ll miss an opportunity to rip his shirt 😛 

Let’s be real Seven is very much a “do it herself” person, not real big on delegating. Whereas Raffi as shown in NML is logistics, is ensuring everything is in place, and is the “pull your ass out of the fire when it goes wrong” type person – right up into *interestingly* season 2!!!! when the roles got flipped with Raffi’s brains in her fists and Seven had to be the sensible one.

(man that just makes that so much deeper!!!)

Anyway having captains that can trade off, to maintain consistancy of command, but also still lead from the front, just works. So co-captains is a good idea, Hyrro is not wrong.

We are so accustomed to crumbs, and building our own wonder, that to have it just there is like 👀 is this real life?

Everytime I think I have to hit a limit and I couldn’t become more obsessed with this ship.

Nope something else is just gonna live rent free in my head 😂 

I mean even the smallest exchanges like Seven going “why is your phaser rifle bigger than mine” and Raffi is like “that’s the one with more charge/bullets” and just Raffi *trusts* her, she knows how capable Seven is. It would have been natural to take the newer better rifle for herself, but she gave it to Seven.

There’s different kinds of trust. Love is weakness because it means being vulnerable. Seven runs from Raffi because she is afraid. It’s like the terror of being seen for who she truly is for the first time. The fear that Raffi could be her home but then she’ll have something she can’t bear to lose.

Raffi is willing to make the leap and take the risk earlier. To go “all in” as said in NML. I mean I really could not believe how much was just plain spelled out in NML. Usually we have to work hard to find the meaning but it was just there.

Seven trusts Raffi with her life long before she trusts her with her heart. Raffi trusts Seven with both much earlier. I suspect because Raffi isn’t afraid of Seven, Raffi is afraid of herself as she believes that she’ll be the one that screws it up. She wants to hold onto Seven and what they have tightly, because she thinks it won’t last.

Oh man new thought. Seven sharing them with Raffi. These letters which brought her comfort in the coldness of space. These letters which showed her the depth of true love. These letters which say what Seven isn’t ready to say, and may never be able to verbalise.

Seven strikes me as someone that avoids emotions/feelings/hard to deal with things. So she’s there, she’s ready to make the leap, she is uncomfortable with it all so in her “love language” she gives Raffi the letters. Letting the beautiful words of the professor say what sticks in her throat.

Then Raffi says she’s going back to StarFleet and Seven doesn’t exactly chicken out, but retreating to the routine familiarity of their lives *is* the safe option. If they had co-existed for longer than Seven might have pushed past her awkwardness and told Raffi but they didn’t, and then life happened.

It is incredibly easy to drift, to feel things, to want things, but not do anything about it.

Raffi can just go for it a bit more I think, like she can easily wear her heart on her sleeve and say her feelings. I think it takes Seven a while to practice what she’ll say in her head, and then even longer to feel able to say it out loud (this is perhaps me projecting my own non-verbal autistic tendencies I don’t know).

But Seven is totally there. Her “Raffi?” when she was scared in Confederation land solidified that for me.

I also think there’s a “two steps forward, one step back” kinda thing in play. When it comes to making progress, progress is hard and painful and it’s not linear. It goes up and down, back and forth. So what is fine one day, is too scary the next, which doesn’t change the depth of feelings, just what they are able to do with them.