I’ve been thinking, dangerous I know, and I tried to count once the number of TV shows that I’ve watched over the years – I think it topped out at over 60 and that was a few years back. I’ve watched a lot of different things. Which brings me to my current thought about obsessions.

Not all shows are created equal. There’s a spectrum going from “I like it enough to watch but don’t think about before or after” right up to “I think about it morning, noon and night”.

Interestingly the amount I think about something doesn’t necessarily correlate to producing material for it. I think production of fan material isn’t dependant on how much I love it, I think it’s more about where I am in my life at the time, whether I have the time and the spoons to dedicate to producing stuff or not. I guess it’s a mindset thing.

Which brought me to the thought that I really should inventory my current obsessions, which made me consider the word ‘current’ and think about the nature of me being a fan of stuff. Some obsessions burn hot and fast and are gone relatively quick. Some last a while and then burn out. Some stay with me always and some come and go. I know I sound like I’m repeating myself now because I talked about how everything has a cycle and obsessions can’t be sustained without fuel. This isn’t that. Actually maybe it is, maybe I’m just coming at it from a different angle.

I’m talking I guess about identity. I don’t know about other people but I embrace what I love and I’m not quiet about it. That makes it hard to let go, hard to accept that an obsession has had it’s time. I think I’ve probably talked about this re: story ideas. I mean I have a huge idea list but what I’ve realised over time is that an idea that was perfect for me five years ago, no longer suits my interests or the story that I want to tell. Sometimes I am super invested in that idea but really it’s just nostalgia, I’m more remembering that I loved it rather than actually feeling the love. It’s hard to tell sometimes, it’s hard to know for sure because it is hard to let go.

This kind of introspection is what happens when I contemplate plans. I want to work out what I’m doing over the summer, what projects I want to tackle etc. As I contemplate priorities, I contemplate well this ^^ sorry for the ramble.